I can’t think about what my home might look like at this exact moment. I can only be thankful that Hattie is at the hospital and Dad was at work. The car ride is silent except for the pounding of my frantic heart. Hattie’s going to have a C-section, which we already knew, but this isearlier than expected. I don’t know much about childbirth, but it seems routine enough. It happens every day without consequence. And yet, if there’s a way for this night to go even more to hell, Hattie might find a way to make it happen.
According to Dad’s texts, the doctor says the procedure is more high risk than normal because of Hattie’s condition. Not to mention that the storm that rolled through Eulogy is about to roll through Gulfport. The power could go out or the whole building could just be destroyed if a tornado really hits. I tell myself that hospitals are prepared for these types of things and that even if the power goes out, they’ll have generators. But still, all I can imagine at this moment is my sister bleeding out in the middle of a power outage.
Ruth is in the backseat on the phone with Saul. “Are you okay? Are Mom and Dad? What about Reggie?”
After a moment of silence, she nods. “We’re on our way now.” Pause. “Yeah, okay, good. We’ll see you there.”
She hangs up. “Everyone’s okay. They lost a few windows at the apartment. Reggie was out on the rig this weekend, and the storm missed them.”
“Saul hasn’t driven by the trailer park, has he?” I ask, even though the thought of an answer terrifies me.
Ruthie shakes her head. “Not that I know of.”
I close my eyes and lean my head against the headrest until Freddie says, “We’re here.” He pulls up to the carport. “We’ll meet you inside.”
The hospital is alive with energy as injuries from thestorm trickle in. The elevators are taking too long, so I opt to run the four flights up to the maternity ward. I remind myself to thank Coach Pru for the extra training.
The maternity ward is a serene oasis compared to what’s happening downstairs. Dad sits in the waiting room by himself, chewing the quick of his nails.
“Where is she?” I pant.
He stands and pulls me into a suffocating hug. “You’re okay.”
Just then the double swinging doors leading to the rest of the ward open as Tyler pushes through them. His skin is so pale it’s almost translucent, and his eyes are wide and full of terror. “It’s about to happen,” he says. “Can you make sure to let my mom know? She should be here soon.”
“But where is Hattie?” I ask. “I need to get, like, scrubs or whatever.”
The elevator doors open and Saul, Ruthie, and Freddie all tumble out.
Tyler turns to me, and in a quieter voice says, “She can only have one person in the operating room with her.”
“I know,” I say. And then I realize. “Oh.”
“Yeah,” he says.
My dad’s hand is on my back.
I feel it in my lips first, the trembling. I hate myself for crying so much this year, but my entire stupid life has upended itself. This life I’ve created is a messy room and only I know where everything is hidden and tucked away, but now it’s like someone’s come in and tidied up and suddenly nothing is as it should be.
“You have to be brave for her,” I tell him.
Tyler nods, and I know he’s an asshat jerk, but something in my voice resonates with him. I can see it. Then he runs back through the double doors.
I sit down in between my dad and Freddie. Ruthie argues with the vending machine, trying to shake her chips loose before she pokes around the nurse’s desk a little bit and starts asking about summer internships.
My entire life is an unknown. It’s an ocean without a floor. A pool without an end.
Freddie knocks the toe of his dress shoe against mine. “It’s going to be okay,” he whispers.
I nod.
I feel betrayed. Sure, I’m not the one who got Hattie pregnant, but I’m the one who’s been there to pick up the pieces every step of the way, and if anyone is going to be in that operating room with her, it should be me.
When Tyler’s mom arrives, my dad does all the talking. Mrs. Porter is a stout little woman with deep smile lines. I wonder what she did to end up with a kid like Tyler.
From what I know about Tyler and his mom, I understand that being here for the birth of her illegitimate grandchild goes against everything she believes in, but I can still sense the eagerness in her voice that tells me she is going to be a wonderful grandmother. Her presence alone eases my nerves.
“Have you called Mom?” I suddenly blurt.
