She’d buried it deep, but it had never completely gone away.
Abby glanced at her. “I can’t imagine you at eighteen serving cream teas.”
Sixteen, Alexandra thought. She’d been sixteen. And she’d been working in the hotel for four years by then, rushing home from school and then rushing out again to clean. She’d lied about her age so that they’d let her work more hours, but it hadbeen a punishing schedule. She’d been exhausted and on at least one occasion she’d fallen asleep in the laundry room.
“I’ve done most of the jobs in the hotel at some point in my life,” she said. “There is no better way to get to know the business. It’s the reason I’ve encouraged you to do the same.”
The difference was that her daughter’s need to work in the hotel hadn’t been driven by desperation.
“Was it tough?” Abby stole an olive from the bowl. “I always forget that you started out working there. You never talk about it.”
“It was a long time ago,” Alexandra said. “Nothing to talk about.”
“Jam, then cream. Got it. Anything else?”
“Be mindful of the tides if you’re walking on the beach.” Her heart bumped against her chest as she remembered one particular night.Oneparticular man.
“Mom? Are you okay?”
Alexandra dragged herself back to the present. “Yes. I was thinking which information might be useful for you. The coastline can be dangerous. I know how much you love to swim but be careful. There are rip currents.”
“I’ll be working. I doubt I’ll have much time for swimming in the sea.”
“Do you mind going?” Only now did it occur to her that by sending her daughter to Cornwall she was depriving herself of her company for the whole summer.
She enjoyed the time they spent together. It was the closest she ever came to relaxing in another person’s company.
“I don’t mind. You raised me to be adaptable.” Abby poured the dressing over the salad and tossed it. “It will be interesting, I’m sure.”
Her daughter would be in Cornwall, walking where Alexandrahad walked. Seeing the views Alexandra had seen and working in the same hotel.
It was unsettling. It made her feel vulnerable and she hated that feeling.
She had an unusual urge to hug her daughter. To hold her close and be comforted by her presence.
Alarmed by that feeling, she picked up the tray.
Since when had she needed a hug from anyone to make herself feel better? She made herself feel better. That was what she did. She didn’t lean on people, not even her own daughter. And she could imagine Abby’s reaction if her mother had suddenly hugged her. She’d be shocked. And worried. Alexandra knew all too well how it felt to worry yourself sick about a parent and she didn’t want to burden her daughter with that.
They didn’t have a tactile relationship, but it was a good one, nonetheless.
Her greatest achievement, in her opinion, wasn’t the company she’d built, but the childhood she’d managed to give her daughter. Stable. Secure. Nothing like her own chaotic and stressful childhood. Abby was independent, and able to support herself without relying on anyone. She’d never find herself vulnerable.
True, Abby had never had a father around, but in Alexandra’s opinion that came with benefits. She’d protected Abby from emotional and financial instability. Her daughter had never lain awake at night crushed by responsibility, worrying about how she was going to pay the bills, how she was going to afford her mother’s care, how she was going to feed both of them. Her daughter had never had to lie about her age in order to get a job she desperately needed. Her daughter had never clung to the flapping edges of her father’s coat, frantic to stop him walking out of her life.
Shaken by memories she’d buried deep, Alexandra carried the tray outside, relieved she was good at hiding her emotions.
They settled themselves at the wrought iron table Alexandra had found on a trip to Italy.
She poured wine for both of them.
“Is everything all right?” Abby glanced at her quizzically. “You seem a little tense.”
So maybe she wasn’t as good at hiding her emotions as she’d thought.
“I have things on my mind, that’s all,” she said. “I’ve found a hotel in Maine I think might be a perfect addition to our collection. The position is excellent. I’m going to look at it next week.”
“Let me know how that goes.” Abby helped herself to chicken and salad. “Can I ask you something?”
