Friends don’t judge. Though his list of desires in a relationship was self-focused, I simply nodded and said, “Uh-huh. I see.”
“Is that wrong?”
“It’s not for me to determine if what you truly want is right or wrong. It is what it is.”
He rubbed his chin slowly. “Would you want to be this woman? Not to me, but toanybody?”
“Yes. If we were both getting what we needed from the relationship, I would gladly fulfill that list.”
He quickly turned the spotlight on me. “Okay, and what doyouwant to receive in a relationship?”
“I’m not on the market.”
“Hypothetically. Speculatively.”
I was always a sucker for big words. “I have yet tocrystallizemy wish list.”
“Oooh, you pullin’ the teacher on me today?” he chided.
I laughed. “You started it.”
“You play Scrabble?”
“No, sir. I don’tplaywhen it comes to Scrabble. Iobliteratein Scrabble.”
He laughed. “I’ve got to see that for myself.”
The waitress arrived with our food and my coffee, placing the respective orders in front of us. Richard said grace over our meal before we took our first bites. The food was decent, but it didn’t have Gabriella’s flair. I found myself missing her creative touch, the way she’d elevate even simple ingredients into something fantastic. In the culinary sense, I was getting spoiled.
As we ate lunch, my thoughts drifted back to my first date with Eric. We had both played the roles that society had prescribed for us: He tried to see how far I would let him go, while I spent the evening showing interest without seeming too available. Good girls didn’t make it easy, after all. What a confusing dance it was, where boys tried to gain a reputation while girls tried not to lose one. It was all too much then, and it still felt like too much now.
“Richard, I appreciate your feelings, but I don’t want to leadyou on,” I said, returning to the present. “Let’s just focus on building a friendship.”
He nodded slowly. No googly eyes. “You’re right, Joyce. I value what we have now, and I’m willing to be a friend if that’s what you need, because the truth is, I need one, too. In fact, I kind of like this no-pressure thing.”
“Good,” I replied, feeling relieved. “Now, may I ask you a question?”
“Go.”
“Tell me about your wife,” I asked, curious about his past relationships and how they might have shaped him. To keep from qualifying my question, I stuffed my mouth and chewed.
He hesitated for a moment, then began. “I assume we were like most couples back then. I was the protective and providing husband; she was the nurturing and God-fearing wife and housekeeper.” He paused, his voice growing somber. “Up until she cheated on me.”
I considered his words, feeling a pang of empathy for his hurt. “Did you like being the provider and protector?”
“Mostly, yes,” he replied with a shrug. “It was easy, in a way. I didn’t have to think too much about it. I enjoyed my work, loved my kids and my wife… It all seemed good, as far as I could tell.”
“I don’t know your ex-wife, but I know how our generation was raised. I don’t believe that a woman of our time would cheat just for the sake of cheating,” I mused, remembering how constrained we had felt by societal expectations. “Perhaps there were deeper issues at play.”
Richard looked thoughtful, his eyes meeting mine with a vulnerability that touched me. We sat there, two people with histories and fears, trying to navigate this new chapter of our lives together.
“Joyce,” Richard began, his voice hesitant, “what happened between you and Eric?”
I sighed, stirring my coffee as I considered how to answer. “If I’d stayed in my marriage much longer, I might have ended up cheating, too,” I admitted, a weight lifting from my chest as I spoke the truth. “I gave Eric clear warning. But he chose not to grow. I wasn’t willing to wait another fifteen or thirty years. That’s what happened to us.” I looked up at Richard, gauging his reaction.
Richard scratched his head and shrugged. “That ain’t what we were raised to do.”
“Maybe that’s why you and I both are single right now,” I said.
