The child I hadn’t known existed until two days ago. The child I refused to believe was mine. Lakesha had slept with everybody.It was only one time,I told myself. A blunder. A poor way of handling my grief when my father died five years ago. At the time, I wasn’t even sure why I was grieving the death of someone who had tormented me. I was in a state of complete confusion. Like someone who had flipped over with a capsized boat, I didn’t know which way was up or down, which was the only way on earth I would have ended up lying next to that girl.
It was only because I had made something of myself that Lakesha was trying to make me the donkey to pin this on. She needed a Baby Daddy with a few zeroes in his checking account. That’s what I told myself when I’d tossed her crudely written letter into the garbage.
But seeing the little boy now, I noticed a small resemblance. There was no denying this was Lakesha’s kid. But was he mine?
He gave me a shy smile. I froze at the slight gap between his front teeth. He rested one little hand on my leg and curled an index finger toward his face, motioning for me to lean in.
I followed his lead.
He cupped his hands around my ear and said, “I love you, Daddy.”
I croaked out some response, I don’t know what. All I could think about was his voice. I knew that voice. I knew those words. The sounds of worship around me dimmed and I was transported back to a time I couldn’t forget.
“I love you, Daddy.”
“Shut up,” Pop said. “I could never love you.”
I turned and stared at Lakesha. She had told her son to say those words I had told her in confidence that night. She lifted a chin and mouthed, “What?”
I turned to face the boy again. To my horror, I found myself whispering, “I-I-man...I can’t do this.”
The boy’s eyes filled with tears. I winced, knowing I’d crushed the heart of one so young, but I couldn’t say the words he needed to hear. Lakesha’s child—I couldn’t call him my son—ran away from me, back to his mother. He clung to her side. Eyes narrowed into slits like shards of glass cut into me.
I grabbed my Bible. I had to get out of there. Despite all I’d gone through to get to church, I couldn’t stay. I couldn’t sit through a message on heroes when I knew I was that little boy’s villain. All around me people praised and rejoiced, but their joy suffocated me. All I could do was run. I rushed into my car and tore out of the church parking lot where freedom awaited. I accelerated with each passing mile, welcoming the rush, tempted to leave Lovetown behind. And, I would have, except… Niya.
