16
Niya
Did those words just come out of my mouth? I wanted to look down at my lips and ask them,What are you saying?But all I could do was put on a brave face after I had pretty much admitted to Sean I was in love with him though I hadn’t uttered the three words.
Ugh…I knew better. I was old school. The girl was supposed to wait for the guy to declare his feelings first. However, my mouth had a mind of its own, blabbing what was in my heart. Now Sean might feel compelled to say he loved me, too. I frowned. That wouldn’t count. How could I be sure it wasn’t a pressure declaration and not true love?
Well… so far, his mouth hung open wide enough to catch a few fish and hold a loaf of bread. Five tense seconds ticked by and nothing. Nada. Zip. His silence was worse than a fake, “I love you, too.”
I covered my face with my hand and mumbled, “Forget I said that.” If I could have turned red, I would have. Ms. Maizie looked back and forth between us like she was at a tennis match, which only increased my mortification.
“Son, ain’t you gonna say something?” she prompted Sean, which made everything worse.
It’s like, if you have to ask someone for an apology, it’s meaningless. I waved Ms. Maizie off, jumped to my feet, wiped my hands on my dress. I wanted to get out of this house, out of LA, and rush into Big’s comforting arms even if I had to hear an “I told you so” from Jazzy.
I scurried out the front door and stopped on the porch.Where could I go?I heard the screen door slam behind me and straightened. Maybe I could downplay this whole situation.Just be cool.But that plan went awry when a tear escaped my eye.
“Niya, where are you going?” Sean put his hands on my shoulders.
“I needed fresh air,” I lied, wrapping my arms about me and turning away.
“The air in the backyard is just as fresh as the air in the front yard,” he reminded me.
Gently, he turned me to face him. I didn’t resist, allowing him to see the tears trailing down my face. I stood there, open, raw, bare, knowing he would see my love shining through my eyes. I had opened the lid to my heart and I was woman enough to own my truth.
Sean’s face melted and he pulled me into his arms. I inhaled the scent of his Joop cologne and waited for him to speak.
He spoke directly into my ear, causing shivers to run up my spine. “Niya, I love you, too.” My body curled against him as he spoke words of love, feeding my heart.
“Wait.” He pulled away from me and stared me in the eyes. “See? This is all wrong.”
I threw my hands up. “What are you saying, Sean? I mean, do you love me or not?”
“I do, Niya. But this?” He looked around, gesturing toward nowhere in particular. “This was not how or where I wanted to tell you how much I love you. I mean, for years I wanted to go out with you, tell you how pretty you were. But I couldn’t because...well...it’s just not cool to be crushing on your best friend’s little sister. So I had to be content with admiring you from afar. Our three years age difference was a big deal back then.”
He smiled and I smiled along with him.
“Do you remember that time I got into a fight with Jerry Alderson?” he asked.
I rolled my eyes. “Uhhh...yeah. How could I forget? You two were rolling on the ground in the middle of the street like maniacs until Jhavon broke it up.”
“Do you know why we were fighting?” Sean asked.
I smirked. “No. You guys were, what, sixteen? It could have been any reason. I don’t even think people needed a reason to fight in our neighborhood. Especially not if it was with Jerry Alderson. He was weird. And a bully.”
“We were fighting over you,” Sean blurted out.
I stuck my neck out at his confession. “Me? Jerry Alderson liked me, too? Gross.”
“Oh, he liked you all right. He liked you so much he was trying to use his expensive new binoculars his dad had bought him to look in your bedroom window. He bragged about how he’d seen you take off your jacket once and planned to camp out across the street from Ms. Jackson’s front yard so he could see more.”
Ms. Jackson used to babysit us and had been best friends with my mom.
My flesh crawled with this news as I pictured the line of vision from Ms. Jackson’s to the bedroom I shared with Jazzy. My bed was closest to the window, and with the right angle, the right sunlight, the slight opening of the curtain, a pair of binoculars and a peeping Jerry, it could probably happen.
“The minute those words left Jerry’s mouth, I grabbed his binoculars, threw them on the ground, stomped them with my Jordan’s, and we started scrappin’.”
All I could say was, “Wow.”
