4
Sean
“You should have never bought the ticket and rode that train. She’s travelled around the block enough times to circle the world.Twice,”Travis said.
“I agree,” Mike replied. “Lakesha hasn’t just been around the block. She’s the whole building. Everybody done rode up and down that elevator a few times.”
I winced. I guess I deserved them ragging on me. They loved the ladies but neither had gone there with Lakesha, and it wasn’t because she hadn’t tried.
Standing outside on the patio by the huge outdoor grill I’d bought on sale at Lowe’s, I let the conversation carry on behind me once I’d unloaded my news about Lakesha and what happened at church. I found comfort in the mundane task of cleaning the steaks and seasoning them with my special marinade while Travis and Mike hashed out the latest drama of my life.
Travis chuckled. “Dang, Mike. That’s cold. You know you wrong to talk about Sean’s baby mama like that.”
I clenched my jaw and turned, facing the men sitting at the glass table. “I don’t know if he’s mine for sure.”
“You don’t know if heisn’tyours either,” Travis shot back.
“Back off,” Mike said. “Ain’t nothing funny about having a child. A son.”
“No, but Sean’sfaceis funny,” Travis said, cracking up.
“You joke too much,” I said to Travis. “And you’re the one with the funny face. Themysteryface. What is it, anyway? Black? White? Hispanic?”
Travis, used to questions and jokes about his multi-ethnic background, shook his head while pointing to himself. “Don’t hate. Appreciate this melting pot right here.”
“Anyway,” I continued. “This is a disruption in my life. My plans…” I couldn’t find the words so I stomped inside to get the bag of sweet potatoes, corn, and foil paper. When I returned, I dumped them on the table and instructed Travis, “Do something useful besides running your mouth. Wrap the corn and potatoes. Do y’all do that in your culture?”
“Which one?” Travis laughed, taking up the task.
“Is it really the end of the world to claim a fatherless child?” Mike asked, picking up a potato to assist.
I tensed. Mike had been adopted by his grandparents after he was abandoned by his mother, who was addicted to meth.
“This is isn’t the same thing,” I tried to explain, mindful of Mike’s past. “This is different. Your grand—I mean parents—are good people. I’m… I’m me.”
“And let’s not forget this child might not be Sean’s,” Travis said. “Why should he claim another man’s child?”
“Jesus did.” Mike gave me a pointed look as if to say I should know this.
I wiped my brow. “Jesus is God so you can’t compare me to Him.”
Mike ripped off a splice of foil from the roll and picked up an ear of corn. “Don’t you church folk have a saying…” He squinted. “You’re the only God people see or something like that.”
“Well, like the man said, he’s nowhere near close to God,” Travis said.
I knew he was only trying to help my cause, but Travis’ words made me feel hollow. Shallow. I couldn’t look Mike in the eyes or give him the good Christian answer. I wanted to rage and holler, not talk about the goodness of Jesus and all He had done for me.
“I don’t expect you to be on God’s level but your attitude on this fatherhood thing is...surprising.” Mike returned to his task.
My shoulders drooped at the disappointment in Mike’s voice. I knew I was failing both him and God, but I couldn’t pretend. The thought of being that child’s father shook my very core. I made my way to the grill and placed the mesquite wood chips on top of the coals and searched for the butane lighter. Within seconds, a huge flame kindled. I stepped away from the searing heat, mesmerized by the flames licking at the mesquite chips.
That’s how I felt. Like that chip. And Lakesha was the fire that was about to burn out my very existence.
Travis came and stood next to me. He put a hand on my shoulder. “Don’t look so dejected. Once the shock wears off, you’ll know what to do. It will all work out.”
I shrugged, thinking I might be in this comatose state for a while. But I strove to express the magnitude of what I felt. “I don’t get it. I was always so careful. How am I ending up just like my old man—a terrible father? I mean, I’m not abusive or anything, but there’s a lot of different ways to be a horrible parent, starting with being absent.”
“Life happens,” Mike said. He brought over the foil-wrapped vegetables and placed them on the tray next to the grill.
