I change my mind. Kelsey deserved that hit from my mom.
“It doesn’t matter,” Mom goes on. “We need to talk, Luling.”
“About—”
“Not about Kelsey. We are going to talk about your moli,” she says firmly.
I know this. I absolutely know we need to talk. This situation is worthy of many talks. There are countless unknowns, lots of groundto cover. However. I don’t want to. I just don’t. I don’t want to talk about the future. I don’t want to go over how any of this could have happened.
“I need to get back to the house,” I say, turning my attention to removing nonexistent dust from a chair’s arm. “I have some work to do before my flight leaves tomorrow.”
“You can work here,” Mom says. “In the lab. Where you’re meant to be.”
I can’t help the shiver that rises between my shoulder blades at the thought of working in that space. I’m no longer an impostor, the way I felt when I had no moli. I’m a true Hua. I belong, although I don’t feel like I do.
“Actually—”
“Sit.”
I am an adult, but lower myself in a chair, unable to withstand her tone. I wonder if that’s something ingrained in babies from the time they’re in utero. When Mom speaks in that voice, my instincts take over and I obey like a lemming. A lemming child, double cursed to do as she’s told.
“I know you don’t want to talk about this,” she says.
Somehow, having Mom point out my reluctance makes it worse. “What if I don’t want to use my moli?” I say, knowing I sound like a sulky teenager. Mom brings out my worst self.
She looks at me. “Don’t lie.”
It makes sense that she’s pushing me. Mom can see the dollar signs dancing around my head, ready for harvesting. One fifth-daughter fragrance sold, and she has the store’s rent for months, if not longer. A few more, and she can expand the way she’s wanted to for years. There it is, her heart’s desire right in front of her, if only I cooperate.
For a single, evil moment, I wonder what she would do if I said no. Not having my moli is one thing, but to have it and refuse to use it for her benefit or for the continuance of the Hua family fortunes?Unfathomable and unacceptable.
I can’t do that. I know I can’t, the same way I couldn’t leave Rafe in the cold hallway or lie to Kelsey. I give in.
“I don’t know how to test it to see if it worked this time,” I say. “I’m almost certain it works.”
“Almost is not enough.” She takes my duster. “We can find a client. I’ll tell them it’s a test and it might not work.”
This is the most reasonable course of action, but I have an immediate and visceral response. “No.”
“Luling, what would it take for you—”
“I said no.” The fierceness in my voice surprises both of us, and I find I’m halfway out of my chair. In the subsequent silence, I drop back down and stare fixedly at the floor. Please let her not ask me why, because I definitely don’t want to talk about feelings I don’t understand myself.
At least I can scratch that last concern right off the board. Mom does not do feelings talks, and in this, I recognize that she’s been a role model equal to Dad. She claps her hands together, the sound loud in the sharp, hard surfaces of the showroom. “Fine.”
I look at her apprehensively. “Fine?”
“We have many other questions to answer, such as why. We can look at those until you reconsider.”
Until I reconsider. She says it like a certainty. “I’ve made my choice.”
“I heard you.”
“I need to do a few errands before dinner. I’ll see you in a couple of hours.”
It would be an exaggeration to say I run out before I can hear my mother’s response, but not by much.
19
