I’ve kept Aspect waiting long enough. I can’t afford to accidentally sleep even more. Not now.
I watch the discomfort slide off Ednit’s face like sand from a window. “Very well.”
He leads me from the office by the hand, as he has since my childhood. I’m older now, but I think it’s more for him than for me. It’s not his fault that Chloe would rather I spend my days studying fractured Pagonian history than making literally any friends. It’s not his fault that my political destiny squashes my interpersonal aspirations like gravel beneath a boot.
I squeeze his hand back, and together we leave the examination room. In my eagerness to get away from here and back to Aspect, I stumble directly into the line of Ednit’s other waiting patients. A woman collides with me forehead to forehead with a near-comical crack. I stumble away, catching my balance against the wall.
“Stars above, I’m so sorry,” I sputter, but whatever the woman says back is drowned out by the sudden rush of white noise in my ears when I meet her eyes.
Rich brown eyes, their hue like the old Earthside foundation, set like gemstones in a round face. Deep copper skin, older than my own but nevertheless smooth and well cared for. A dark, tightly coiled afro blooming naturally around it, lightly frizzing at the edges. It’s not just that she’s beautiful, though that would’ve caused my lungs tomalfunction anyway before I recovered myself. It’s the woman from the memory. Jelza.
It feels obscene to have been inside Jelza’s head, to have seen through her eyes and known firsthand her racing heart, when she has no clue who I am. Like running into a one-night stand in a formal context, trying to pretend you haven’t seen them without their clothes.
I fade back in. Jelza is apologizing to me, too, talking with her hands, so I catch the gist even over my roaring pulse in my eardrums.
“Please watch your step, Kori,” Ednit admonishes without missing a beat.
“I know, I know, I’m so sorry,” I stammer, giving the woman her space bubble back.
What is she doing here? She was chosen for something significant in the memory, something her insecurities told her she didn’t deserve—was it access to Ednit, the Daylands’ best doctor, reserved for only the highest of government officials? I’ve brushed shoulders with countless stuck-up compatriots of my mother, and Jelza was never among them. Have we just coincidentally never interacted before? But why conceal the memory I so recklessly pried into? Is she government or not, and if she isn’t, then what the hell is happening here?
I shake my head just to clear the thickening smog within it, then sigh, “Be well, Jelza.”
I only realize what I’ve just done after the words leave my mouth.
Jelza arches an eyebrow. “I’m sorry, have we met?”
No. No, no, no, no, no.
“I—I saw Ednit’s patient list on the way in. I have a really good memory. The patient after you was, uh …” I glance at the acne-flecked redheaded boy behind her. I’m fairly certain he’s the grandson of a government advisor I met, but both the advisor’s and grandson’s names are completely escaping me right now. “You know what? I should definitely get going. Come on, Ednit, you have other patients waiting!” I force a fake laugh. It may be the most annoying sound I’ve ever heard, and it came out ofme. I resent that.
Ednit leads me away from the line of patients and back toward the reception area. Only when we’re out of earshot does he catch me by the wrist, more forcefully than ever before. I don’t know how his lean arms, half a lifetime older than my own, carry such strength.
“Kori, Kori. There are things you cannot know, for your own good. Listen to me, and more importantly, listen to your mother.” His grip makes the bones of my wrist sting. I feel itchy all over, desperate to pull away. “There are consequences that even the heiress of the Daylands cannot be protected from.”
I’m under no illusions that he believes me about the patient list. I’ve exposed my illicit dive into the delivered memory. That’s what we’re talking about, even if he won’t dare to voice it directly.
“Just … don’t tell Chloe. Please.” I force my eyes wide, hoping for a sign of tears. I think about everything sad I can muster. Aspect’s present absence of sentience. My inability to maintain eye contact with remotely attractive peers of any gender. The bizarre dreams that torment my patches of fitful sleep. These constant, inescapable medical appointments at Chloe’s insistence. Come to think of it, my life is actually quite sad all on its own. “I’ll be good. I swear, Ednit.”
He waits just long enough for my stomach to drop into my shoes. Then he releases my wrist. “Then be good,” he says, and continues leading me to the reception area.
Chloe briefly interrupts us, flinging her long, lithe arms around me in an embrace.
I would return it, but my arms feel pinned to my sides. I grin awkwardly. “Healthy as ever, Mom. Nothing to worry about.”
She looks to Ednit for reassurance because of course she does.
He nods. “Your daughter is in peak condition, my lady. She assures me she’ll be lying down for a while in the examination’s aftermath.”
“And then studying, I hope.” Chloe clicks her tongue. An innocuous sound, to be sure, but one that drives me absolutely nuts. I’m half convinced she does it on purpose.
“Studying,” I parrot.
Thank whatever gods are out there, Ednit isn’t going to rat me out.
“Any subject is all right,” Ednit offers, deliberately keeping my secret. I could crush him in a hug right now. “Whatever you think you can handle so soon after a Morpheus chip exam. I would stay away from heatshot target practice for a bit.”
“I will.”
