Another shoulder squeeze from Daphne. Zada moved instinctively into it, craving the comfort of their carefree school days. If only they were still children, she thought. If only they had no more pressing worries than passing their classes and executing Daphne’s latest shenanigans, and there was no need to be sucked in by the gravity of questions so much larger than themselves.
“What would you say happened to the Core, Zada?” said Daphne softly. “You’re smart. How can you make this make sense in your head?”
“I can’t,” said Zada. “That doesn’t mean they’re right.”
“By all means, search for other answers,” said Sister Patience.
Zada traced her eyes from the wall to the floor. It really did appear to be trash all the way down.
“You know there’s nowhere else we could go,” she said. “Not really. Nobody else would tolerate us raising the issue in the first place.”
“Is that the sign of a healthy society?” said Sister Justice. “What are they afraid of?”
Zada looked away from the splotches of old bottles and the smashed corners of plastic packaging, back toward the shelvesgroaning under the weight of thousands of illegal books.
“They’re afraid of this,” she said. “Someone feeding the embers of resentment or regret, holding on to what’s been curated away—”
“Why hold on to them at all?” said Daphne. “It’s a terrible risk.”
“Someone needs to remember,” said Sister Justice. “Someone needs to track what’s been taken from you, so that when the current regime falls, there’s some way to restore at least part of it. Do you know what a thin slice it is that you’re still allowed to read? Something like ninety-eight percent of all titles have been curated out of your hands, did you know that?”
Zada glanced sidelong at Daphne, who looked as rattled as Zada felt. It couldn’t possibly be true, could it? Zada thought of every respectable book she’d ever opened, at the tidy row of files awaiting download at the library. If all of the approved volumes were such a tiny percentage of what was out there, how could every single book in such a vast expanse be a clear and present threat to the city?
As if reading Zada’s mind, Sister Justice went on. “Do you really think all of those books could be that dangerous to you?” Their voice was beginning to shake. “They’re so powerful, but you’re right, Zada, they are terrified of this. They’re terrified of you. They’re terrified you could get an idea, any idea they don’t like. On some level, they know that’s all it would take to bring them toppling down. And they will do anything to stop it.”
“Hey,” said Sister Patience soothingly to Sister Justice. “It’s okay.”
“What in the world is in these books?” said Daphne. Shesounded awestruck.
“Stories and research,” said Sister Justice. “People with lives different from theirs, from yours. Sometimes people with lives pretty similar to yours but different thoughts. The seeds to understanding some glimpse of them.”
Zada closed her eyes. The problem was that this didn’t sound so bad. How could reading a book truly change her mind? For one deranged moment, she almost wanted to ask to borrow one, as if this was an ordinary library. She shook her head again.
“How many of the sisters here know about your secret collection?” Zada got out at last.
“Maybe a quarter,” said Sister Patience. “We watch the novices for years before we decide if they can be trusted with all of it. Plenty of them never know.”
If she could be believed, that meant most of the nuns were innocent. Zada was unsure what to do with that.
“What’s missing?” said Daphne suddenly. “What were you looking for earlier?”
“The price of salt,” said Sister Justice.
Zada blinked. “How do you lose—”
Sister Patience’s mouth ticked up at one side, almost a smile. “It’s a book,” she said. “About loving someone even when your entire world is telling you not to.”
Zada felt her face heat. “We should go,” she said.
Sister Patience clapped her hands together. “Right, well, before you do. We need your word that you won’t inform on us.”
“We won’t,” said Daphne.
It was obviously the smart thing to say, alone with the nuns in their basement.
“We’d like to hear it from Zada as well,” said Sister Justice.
Zada felt her teeth seize the inside of her lip, then release it.
