“You can?”
“You haven’t told me a lot about Kat, but I’ve gathered some. And I saw you two together at Summerfest and noticed how you acted around her. You made yourself smaller somehow. I’d never seen you do that before. It was like… I don’t know, like you pulled back so she could take center stage or something. And she was more than happy to step into that role. It was pretty clear she liked the attention. And that she’s used to having it.”
Her assessment is spot-on, but I used to think I liked Kat’s and my dynamic that way. “Kat has always known exactly who she is. She’s always been comfortable in her own skin, more confident than me, and never worried much about what people thought about her.”
“Yeah, I got that. And I was only around her for, like, two hours.”
“I think I sort of absorbed some of that confidence by proxy sometimes when we were together, but the second she moved away, it was like she took it with her. And what was left was just me. Boring, plain, barely noticeable old Amelia, without her outgoing best friend. And I realized pretty quick that if I didn’t want to be miserable and lonely all summer, I’d have to do something different.”
Shelby frowns. “You’re not boring or plain. There’s more to you than that.”
“I know that now. I think I always knew I was my own person, deep down, but I’d never really figured out who she was. Or, maybe I did but I just never showed her to anyone else. So after Kat left and I finished wallowing, I decided this might be my chance to figure all that out.”
“That’s a good thing, right?”
“I thought so too, at first,” I agree. “But does finding myself mean losing people along the way? Did I go about it all wrong?”
Shelby shakes her head. “There’s no right way to grow up. We’re all going to mess it up a few times. There’s no way Kat hasn’t made some mistakes too, and I bet she’ll realize that and come around. It might just take some time.”
“Wow, college made you so wise.” I dip my chin with a sigh. “I hope you’re right.”
A few moments of silence pass, and I watch a group of high school freshmen approach the counter to order drinks. They’re chatting and giggling, like they’re best friends who don’t have a care in the world. I have the urge to march up to them and make sure they understand how rare that is, and how important, and that they should protect it at all costs.
Shelby’s voice pulls me back to our corner of the patio. “What are you gonna do about Myles and Gregory?”
I groan and drop my forehead to the table.
“I don’t know,” I say into the wood.
She pats my hair. “Yeah, it must be hell, having two hot guys into you at the same time.”
I fling myself back up. “It is! Itisterrible!” I can’t stomach the thought of hurting either one of them, or cutting one of them out of my life.
Shelby sobers. “I know, I’m sorry.” She blinks at me a few times. “So you have to choose between them?”
“Technically no one’s asked me to.”
“But you have feelings for both of them.”
My heart feels like it’s about to split in half. “Yes.”
She nods knowingly, like this isn’t a surprise. “You have to make a decision, then. It’s not fair to them not to.”
My eyes burn with gathering tears, and I blink them back. “I don’t think Gregory’s an option anymore. I messed that up pretty good.”
“I bet he’d hear you out,” Shelby says. “If you wanted to talk to him. I’ve seen the way he looks at you.”
I stare at a water spot on the table, and my voice is dull when I respond. “I doubt it. And even if he was willing to talk, he’s moving back to Arizona soon. Trying something long distance sounds miserable.”
Shelby doesn’t say anything for a moment and takes a drink. “So you think you’ll go for it with Myles, then?”
“I can’t,” I start. “Kat—”
Shelby holds her palm out like a stop sign. “Nope. If you ask me, her opinion doesn’t matter anymore. She’s not here, it’s notlikeshe’sgonna date Myles, and you’re a free woman. She’s already pissed at you, even though you explained how things went down and apologized for hurting her. It’s up to her now if she wants to forgive you and put away this silly pact thing. It’s time to move on, and if you’re doing it without her because she’s gonna hold a grudge, seems to me you can do whatever you want with Myles.”
I chew on my lip, ruminating on that. Is she right? Is restoring my friendship with Kat a lost cause? Is whatever situationship I had with Gregory gone too?
“Maybe you’re right.”
