“I like s’mores.”
Nico’s face scrunches in confusion. “S’mores? Never heard of this.”
He leads me to the small courtyard, beneath the open sky. “Thoughts? It’s private. You can stare up at the stars. Listen to the birds.”
There are large leafy plants that would shield me from view, and Nico ties a hammock strategically between two trees so it’s hidden under large fern leaves. It’s private and secluded and while it’s not ideal, it’s an escape from what surely awaits in the hotel room. Nico stuffs two pillows on one side, lays out a thin sheet, then folds up a blanket to cover the rest of the length of the hammock.
“Nico… you’re a lifesaver. For real.”
“It’s nothing.” But he doesn’t stop with my hammock.It takes me a minute to realize he’s tying a second one on the other side of the courtyard about ten feet away. Once he’s attached it to the trees, he tests the structural integrity by lying down, swinging from side to side.
“Wait… you’re sleeping out here too?”
“I can’t leave you out here by yourself, Sora. I’m your host. It wouldn’t be good manners.” Nico says this like it’s the simplest decision ever.
“You can’t. You have an actual bed waiting for you. Don’t be dumb.” But secretly, it’s a huge relief, knowing that I won’t be alone.
“Are you going to try it out?” Nico glances over, his eyes sparkling as he ignores my weak attempt to talk him back inside.
I resign myself to his stubbornness and comply, wiggling my way in until I find my balance. The midnight is pierced by thousands of stars, so big and bright and beautiful. No matter what, they are still shining. “This is really nice. Thank you, Nico.”
“You’re welcome.” A thick silence hangs in the air. Crickets are chirping, mixing together with the sound of faint music coming from the direction of the beach. There’s a wide-open space between us, but it’s not one that’s begging to be filled or waiting with some expectation. It’s nice, that lack of pressure.
“We can talk about it if you want,” Nico finally says.
I don’t, at first. How would I even explain things so that he won’t think I’m completely unhinged? But it’s beenso long, and so hard, and now I’m realizing that I haven’t even had Wes to be honest to about any of it. I let out a long exhale. “It’s just such a mess.”
“How so?”
“Well, you were right about the Italian romance thing. It just… didn’t start in Italy.”
“Really?” Nico raises his eyebrows.
“Yes.” And then I spill it all: our complete history, what happened at prom, how I planned this trip to align with Wes’s, and lastly, how Mari and Anya have said they would rather I date Vladimir Putin than Wes.
“Putin? That seems a little bit of a stretch. There are outstanding charges against him. War crimes.” Nico sits up, suddenly alert. “Is this Wes a criminal too?”
“No.” I smile, before turning contemplative. “Not that I know of, at least. I think they were just being dramatic.” But then I think about how much they do actually hate Wes and realize it could go either way.
“I see.” Nico reclines back, really considering the Putin angle. “So Wes—I ask only because I’m genuinely trying to understand—why do you like him so much?”
“I guess there are lots of reasons.”
“Like?”
I bite my lip, wondering where to start. “Well, he’s super hot, for one. Likestupidhot. All the girls at school would die to date him. He was homecoming king. I don’t think anyone else even got a vote.” I stare up at the night sky as I try to put words to my feelings. “He’s also funny,charming, and very sweet when he wants to be.”
“Those are a lot of reasons,” Nico says.
And then I think of the reason I’ve never really wanted to admit. To myself, to anyone. But here Nico is, willing to accept these as good-enough answers, and I realize that I don’t want him to think that I’m the kind of girl who only likes people because they’re hot.
“I think… I think it’s how I feel when all his attention is on me. Like it is validating somehow? It’s dumb, but I never had many guys interested in me, especially one as sought-after as Wes. Before him, I was invisible.” Being on the receiving end of envy was the biggest clue I had nabbed something worth holding on to, and so I held on.
“No one even asked me to a dance until my junior year. Like, I’d fight with my parents, begging them to let me go to dances with boys, but then no one would even ask. I would go with Anya and Mari instead, and we’d stand in the corner doing dorky dances, pretending we were having fun. Wes changed all that. It’s like he saw value in me, worth. It felt like the sun.” I turn to Nico, though I can’t see him in the darkness. “Have you ever felt like that?” I flush as soon as the words are out of my mouth. Of course he hasn’t—I think back to Nico’s gorgeous girlfriend from the beach. His abs. He’s probably never struggled to find a date to anything.
It’s quiet for a beat. “Not exactly. But I think I understand.” He pauses, and I can faintly hear him breathing. Four rounds of breath come and go before he asks afollow-up question. “Do you really think you’re invisible?”
“I don’t know.” I sit there in my thoughts for a while. “I guess I used to. Or maybe it was more that I felt like I didn’t matter, that things would never happen for me the way they would for other people. That I’d have to make them happen or they never would. Like if I didn’t try, no one would notice.” I swallow the lump in my throat. “That’s what’s so great about Wes. I get to have his attention without needing to work so hard for it.”
