But I had learned from my mistake. I would not choose another man based on what I wanted him to be or what I hoped he might be. I no longer had time for pretenses or best smiles. I wanted a partner. Someone who prioritized me without fail. Someone who understood me and loved me despite the lashing of my tongue on occasion, whose very days and hours were spent building a life that reflected the love we felt for each other.
Never mind Papa’s secrets. Never mind Graham’s investment. I could endure Society’s gossip because eventually it would fade. But to find someone to laugh with—to enjoy life with—thatI realized as I stared out at the rolling sea, was everything I wanted. And if no one would aid me, then I, like Ginny, would pursue this endeavor alone.
I would leave no stone unturned. I would welcome any and all attention unless instinct told me otherwise. And I would start this very day.
After we had taken in enough sun, Graham walked us a half mile or so to the land he meant to buy. A little stone house sat on the far right, looking over the sea; it was scheduled to be demolished, Graham said. The land would be divided into parcels, each to become an apartment that would be rented out over a lifetime. Though he didn’t say, it meant a lot of money for Graham, and in turn, his family.
Graham’s proposal sounded smart. As much as I hated to admit it, Brighton seemed to have a little of everything for tourists. What, then, would I write in my notebook tonight?
Perhaps instead of writing, I’d find a different distraction worthy of my time.
“Shall we, Miss Lane?” Graham stood a few paces to the side and swiped a hand through his hair. Good heavens, he looked like Adonis standing cliffside above the sea.
Graham?
I laughed, and instead of shoving the idea aside, scoffing, and turning away, I reminded myself of my new goal and relaxed into my true feelings. Iwantedto watch Graham. A smile lifted my lips as the gentle breeze brushed his hair over his eyes once more, and he struggled to pile it all back atop his head. He glanced over his shoulder at something Ginny said and grinned so widely, his cheeks creased. I almost bowled over at the sight of him.
Good heavens.
No stone unturned, indeed.
ChapterSeventeen
Graham
I’d encouraged Mr. Lane to leave. To visit Ms. Peale. And I hadn’t for one second considered Anna’s feelings.
As I watched her ascend the staircase to dress for dinner, regret fell like an anvil upon my chest. How many times had I dismissed her desires, her needs, in favor of what I wanted or what her father wanted? The shame of it burned like bile in my throat. Never again.
No matter how she treated me or the barbs she threw in defense of herself, I was resolved. Anna deserved better than what she’d been given these past years. She deserved to be heard, considered, cared for.
A week ago, I’d have rolled my eyes at her tears and dismissed her as attention-seeking. But seeing her now—how different she was away from London—made me wonder if perhaps I’d been looking at her all wrong.
There was something about this Anna. She wasn’t new by any means, but she was real. She was vulnerable. Spending time with her inspired a new fierceness inside of me, a need to protect her at any cost. When she’d fallen apart after our encounter with Lennox—that soulless slab of muck—it had taken all my strength to keep from wrapping her in my arms,shielding her, as she tried to hide her tears in the lending library.
And that frightened me.
She wasn’t someone soft like Arabella Ryan, childlike, and as interesting as a little sister. Anna Lane was untouchable. Unattainable. So beautiful I couldn’t stop thinking about her even as she walked away. The soft sweep of her hair. The little dip in her upper lip. How her fingers felt curled around my arm.
I shouldn’t be thinking about her like this.
Not Anna. For the sake of my investment, and my relationship with her father, I had drawn significant and very resolute lines between family and business. Unspoken, but firm.
But she and I had made progress today. She’d seemed to enjoy the Steine, the sea, even the food. Nothing forced, nothing strained, just a simple outing. I’d even venture to say comfortable were it not for Lennox’s abrupt arrival. Even then, we’d recovered the day somewhat. She didn’t seem overly affected for long. I’d tried desperately to encourage her. To make her laugh again.
I could stillfeelher smiling back at me.
I shook my head to focus.Business, Graham.
A stack of letters on my desk had demanded my immediate attention upon arriving home, so I took a light dinner tray in my study and got to work, answering questions, calculating payments, then writing a long letter asking Tom to double-check my figures and triple-check my accounts.
Ink jar closed, pen in place, I stretched out my cramped legs and pushed back my chair. My candle, lit long ago to dispel the night, drooped under warm, dripping wax. Rubbingmy eyes, I stood, pulled out my fob watch and read the time. Nine fifty-two. Had everyone gone to bed?
No. I could hear music trilling down the hall. I followed the sound—Ginny’s harp mingled with bursts of laughter—to the drawing room. What were they thinking? Anna would be trying to sleep at this hour, all the while my wild family was—
I froze under the doorframe at the sight before me: Ginny, plucking strings on the harp, and Anna counting out, “One, two, three. One, two, three,” as she and Tabs, whose hair had been arranged in curls and new ribbons, spun circles in the middle of the room.
“Put your feet on mine!” Anna called through a laugh. “No, left.Myleft!”
