I started to laugh; I was anything but wise. “You are forgiven.” I handed him back his handkerchief. “We are quite a pair, are we not?”
I hesitated. There was more I wanted to say, but once I spoke the words, I could not take them back. But Charlie had been so open with me about his brother’s death. He’d been true to his feelings, even the ugly ones, and he’d inspired me. I wanted to be that honest.
“I do not wish to marry the duke,” I said slowly. The words spilled from my lips and took wings. I was equal parts anxious and pleased by the stunned expression on his face. But even the truth would not keep me, or Charlie, from accepting our fates. “And you do not wish to accept your family’s estate.”
Charlie stood incredibly still. “How ungrateful of us.” He teased, but his eyes were serious and searching.
“How selfish,” I agreed. “How very unreasonable of us to want to create our own futures.”
Charlie nodded. “We could run away.” He raised his brows, half serious, half in jest, and I laughed.
“Together? I am currently forbidden from speaking with you without a proper chaperone.”
Charlie made a show of looking around, knowing as well as I that no such chaperone currently existed, and yet here we were. I swatted his arm playfully. “Go back to looking contrite. It suits you better.”
He grinned and tucked his hands behind his back, chin down. “Truly, though. Thank you. For including me in your quest, and—”
“I seem to remember begging you—”
“—for indulging my ridiculous notions—”
“You did save my life.”
“—and for being a better friend than I deserve.”
Emotion welled in my throat, but I swallowed it back and instead raised my chin with a tease in my voice. “You are correct. You do not deserve me.”
He tilted his head and seemed to study my face in the candlelit hallway. “I cannot think of any man who ever will.”
I held my head high and let him examine me, warming under his attention.
What did he see when he looked at me like that? So unabashedly and tender. I wanted his thoughts, all of them, but especially the ones just under the surface. So close but yet unspoken.
His eyes met mine, and he smiled, then looked down. “I should ...”
“Of course,” I hurried to agree. “Go, repair your friendship with Benjamin. He looks up to you, and whether he will admit it or not, he dearly wishes he did not have to hate you.”
“I haven’t the faintest idea how to approach him,” Charlie said with his palms up.
I made a fist and gently hit his open hand. “I assume there is more to pugilism than hitting a heavy bag. Critique him. Tell him how he could have really hurt you yesterday. Teach him all your boxing tricks, how to truly protect his sister and his future wife, and you shall have him back in the grove in no time.”
Charlie nodded and rubbed his jaw.
“And Charlie?” I wavered.
He looked up.
“Tell him again that he was right to protect me, though perhaps next time he should control his anger. And praise his loyalty to his family. Tell him it is the most admirable and honorable trait he could have.”
Charlie watched me carefully, and I realized too late what I had said.
“I shall tell him,” Charlie said. Then he bowed low, too respectfully for a woman without yet a title, and left.
ChapterEighteen
For the next several days I ate, drank, and breathed my list. In little more than a week the duke would arrive, and ready or not, my life would change. Duty would take precedence over desire.
I did not even protest when Mama rushed me to and from town, as we tended to endless wedding details and finally brought home my peach dress with decidedly white lace.
