“I think,” I say, “that if it were me cutting this together . . .” I pause. “Which I want to stress that it’s not. I won’t have any control over the final product.”
“I get that. I just want your opinion.”
It’s wild that she thinks my opinion means anything, but I guess I’m the one who showed up as an official representative of the show. “I could more easily construct a narrative out of the shame thing if you held it back. In some ways, it might be nice for your relationship with Prince Charming if you shared that information up front. Not a lot of women ask anything from the guy on night one, but you’re asking him to accept this part of your life that would require something from him if he ended up with you, since he’d have to learn to communicate with your daughter to be part of your life.That looks like you’re proud of her, not ashamed. But I’d be careful how you phrase it.”
“Right,” she says. “I havetwodaughters, one of whom is deaf.”
“Exactly.There’s no way for them to cut that to focus only onThea.”
“I like that. I need someone who is going to step up for my kids, and if that’s not Prince Charming, it’s better if he sends me home right away.”
I smile. I like Becca more the more I talk to her. She’s self-assured and confident, even when her nerves show. She’s not desperate to stay on the show if this guy isn’t what she needs.
It makes my heart ache a little that she isn’t available. I wonder if I’m going to feel this way about every interview. If all the women they’ve cast are as awesome as Becca, Prince Charming is a lucky guy.
“This is awful,” she says, “but it’s pretty easy to tell when I meet someone if I don’t want them in my life.Thea’s deafness turns into kind of a litmus test. I hate that it has to be that way, but it’s nice to weed out the assholes, I guess.”
I get that. Being Black, I see an ugly side of people that white folks tend to miss. I’m not about to bring that up, though. I’m atworkand I don’t want to make waves on day one.
Really, though, I don’t want this litmus test to play out right here in her living room. I’m afraid of what I’ll find.
Becca gives me a weary look, like she’s tired just thinking about all the choices she’s going to have to make, all the worries she has about protecting her daughters. “I’m really not going to have much control over how they present me.”
“Not a lot,” I admit. “They can manipulate your words, but they can’t pull things out of thin air. Plus, they can get a lot more out of you when you’re drinking. So it depends on how well you can hold your liquor and how much you let the producers feed you drinks.”
I’m talking as ifI’mnot the one who’s going to be doing these things, even though that is literally my job description. Becca doesn’t seem to notice.
“I’m not a bitchy drunk,” she says. “Alcohol makes me sleepy.”
“Ha. So they won’t want to give you drinks, then. You should be fine. You’re very natural in front of the camera.”
“I thinkyou’rethe one who’s good at this.”
That makes me smile. “Well, hopefully I’ll get to interview you more.”
“Can you? I mean, do you get to choose who you interview?”
“Yes and no,” I say. “They’ll want you to be interviewed by a producer you trust. So if you prefer to be interviewed by me, that’ll be possible more often than not.”
“I’d like that,” she says.
“Me too,” I tell her. Definitely more than I should.
“I want to ask you for a favor, but if you have to say no, I understand.”
“Okay.”
“You’re going to see a lot more than I will behind the scenes,” she says. “If you see that the narrative is leaning toward exploitingThea, will you let me know? I know you won’t necessarily know it’s happening, but if you catch things going in that direction—”
“I will absolutely give you a heads up.” I might not be able to control it, but I should be able to alert Becca without anyone being the wiser. “I would have done that anyway.”
“That’s so nice of you. It’s good to feel like someone will have my back.”
I like that she feels this way, but I don’t want her to have unrealistic expectations. “I won’t have a lot of say over what the producers are doing, but if you’re uncomfortable with anything, let me know. I’ll do what I can. And if you open up to me in interviews, they’re going to want to keep this going. If that’s what you want.”
She smiles. “It is.Thank you.”
“Of course.”
