I sigh.Therein lies my problem—or one of them. I’m still pretty sure I’ve been friend-zoned, but I can’t completely give up on the notion that Becca might reconsider me after the show is over.
If she won’t, that’s going to hurt like hell.
You’re right, I tell her.But unfortunately, if she dated someone else, she would get kicked off the show.
Thea huffs.That’s not fair. You should ask her on a date anyway.
Maybe, I write. God knows I’ve spent enough time imagining doing so. And even more time imagining what that date would be like.But I would get fired.
SO????Thea writes so it takes nearly an entire page. We are burning through this notebook, and I wish I’d brought an extra. I didn’t know I was going to be interrogated.She’s worth it. You can get another job but not better mashed potatoes.
She has a point there.She might say no, I say. Another, far less enjoyable thing I have imagined too often.
Thea throws up her hands and grabs the notebook.You just have to be brave.
Oh my god. I am getting dating advice from a kid, and it’s better than any of the advice or behavior that has been given on this train wreck of a show. I don’t think I admitted to liking Becca, but somehow it’s become a given in this conversation, and I’m not sure how to turn that around.
I’ll think about it, I write.Why do you want me to go out with your mom, anyway?
Because then I’ll know she’s dating someone nice,Thea writes.
A warmth spreads in my chest.That’s sweet. “Thank you,” I sign at her.
You’re not pretend nice,Thea writes.Most people won’t talk to me this long.
Most people are stupid, I write, which may not be the most responsible thing to be saying, but if people don’t giveThea a chance to express herself, it’s true. She’s a remarkable kid. I expected that, given that she’s Becca’s daughter, but she’s far smarter and more perceptive than I knew a kid her age could be.
Do you want me to get you a chance to talk to your mom alone?I ask.
Thea presses her lips together. Rosie is still sitting on her coffee table boat, now making up a song about jellyfishandpigeons.
What if it makes her too sad for her date?Thea asks.
If you don’t want her dating Prince Charming, I return,why do you care?
What about her date with YOU?Thea responds.
I laugh.I think she’d be recovered by then.I hesitate before I add,I think your mom is used to pretending to be fine for other people.
Thea sighs.OKAY FINE.
This is going to be hard for Becca, but if I can get her a moment away from the cameras, I think she needs to hear it.I’m going to have to tell the camera people you’re scared, and that’s why you need a few minutes alone. I know it’s not true, but they’ll believe me because they are dumb.
Thea nods wearily.Yes, they seem dumb. One asked if I needed a cup with a lid.
At least I’m not that clueless when it comes to kids. I write,I’m sorry people judge you. You’re not a baby.
I think that person should never have kids,Thea adds.
If they did, maybe they would know better.I’m going to go check to see how much longer, okay?
Okay,Thea writes, but then she adds,Is my mom kissing Prince Charming right now? Because EWWWWW.
That visual isn’t one I particularly want, either. I really hope that’s not happening. I know Becca was telling the truth about not having kissed Preston yet, because production has a chart about exactly how far each of the women has gone with Preston so we all know who we should be making insecure about how little they’ve done, and who we should be asking if they feel guilty about how much they’ve done. Levi is annoyed that no one has cornered Preston and gone all the way yet, which apparently happens at least once on most seasons before Dalliance Week.
None of this I am going to say toThea.If it’s EWW why do you want to know?They’re with the chef, so I don’t think they’re kissing.
Thea waggles her eyebrows at me.Do YOU want to kiss my mom?
I’m going to go check if they’re ready now!I write, and I shove the notepad in my pocket.Thea doesn’t object to me taking it, which is good, because there’s no way I’m leaving it around for production to find.
