Levi gives me a look that says I better not mess this up, and moves over to direct the camera guys who are going to capture Preston’s toast to kick off the poolside ball.
I survey the fire pit. Daisy’s chocolates are set a safe distance away on the marble bench, but it wouldn’t take much to move them close enough to melt them quickly without risking the box going up in flames.
Am I actually doing this?I ask myself as I cross the courtyard. Am I really employed to destroy artisan foods and drive already frantic women into full psychotic breakdowns?
I look back toward the group and see Levi’s eyes on me, though all the women—including Becca, damn it—are fully engaged listening to Preston’s toast.
Shit. Yes, that is exactly my job description. Here I go.
I move around the fire pit and slide the chocolates along the bench, moving the wine as well so that they will all be in the same configuration. I position the box close enough that it’s uncomfortable for me to put my fingers on it—that ought to be enough heat to melt the chocolates quickly, as I’m not sure how long it will be before Daisy gets Preston over here for their romantic moment.
I get back to the group just as Preston is finishing his toast, and all the women giggle and drink. Becca looks over at me and raises her eyebrows, and I give her a sign that, according to YouTube, roughly translates to “You got this.”
She grins. She seems to like it when I sign to her, so if nothing else, I hope I’m bringing her a little bit of comfort.
Most of the women still have their glasses to their lips when Madison announces that she wants to steal Preston away, and Daisy looks like she’s going to shit a brick as Madison leads him off. I think Daisy is going to discover what happened to her chocolates and rescue them before they melt, but one of the producers—probably tipped off by Levi—pulls her into an interview before she can check on them.
Sheree interrupts Madison, and she and Madison get into a snit, and half an hour has passed before Daisy escapes from her interview. She interrupts Sheree and manages to bring Preston over to her carefully prepared area.
By now, I’m sure those chocolates are toast. Becca waves to me, and I’m about to make my way over there, mostly to hide from the damage I’ve wrought, but Levi catches my eye and indicates for me to go keep an eye on Daisy and Preston.
So it is that I’m standing not fifteen feet away when Daisy lets out a banshee yell that they probably hear all over Europe. “My chocolates!” she screams. “Who moved them? Oh my god, they’re chocolate soup!”
Preston looks startled by the screaming, but tries to save the situation by asking if anyone has graham crackers for s’mores. Daisy bursts into tears and storms off to cry in the hallway that leads to the sauna.
Londyn goes to comfort Daisy and is met with immediate screams that DaisyknowsLondyn is the one who did this to her. Preston meanders away from the chocolate looking like he wants to disappear, while Londyn shouts that it wasnother, and she’s sure it was Addison because she saw Addison poking around Daisy’s chocolates while Daisy was in an interview. Madison charges over and says that she, too, is sure that it was Addison, because Addison is generally lacking in moral character in just about every way.
Levi nods to me approvingly.
This is my life. Getting credit for being a complete douche and ruining a woman’s evening while she tries to date a guy who is at least a partial douche.
I feel like I’ve made some very bad life choices.
