“Thank you so much,” she says. I should be relieved that she doesn’t seem to have noticed what a wreck I am, but instead, the floor falls out beneath me.
She doesn’t notice anything because she doesn’t think anything of it, I realize. She’s asked me to zip her up like I’m a sexless being to her. Like I’m just a friend and that’s all I’ll ever be.
That’s what she’s going to say when this is all over, isn’t it? Gee, Nate, that’s so sweet of you, but I really only think of you as a friend.
Shit.
I put my hand on the doorknob, but Becca takes a step toward me again. She’s in my personal space, but not so much so that this would be uncomfortable if I did only think of her as a friend, which I already know I can never do.
“I really appreciate your help,” she says in a conspiratorial voice that I feel all the way down in my dick. “It’s bad enough, all the embarrassing things they make us do, without parading around in front of the cameras trying to find someone to fix a zipper.”
“Yeah, no problem.” I know I’m supposed to ask if I can interview her now, but damn it, I need a minute. And I should go and find a corner to breathe and calm down and convince myself that I did the right thing here, not touching her, not begging her to look at me as a man and not as a friend.
But Becca is here, so close, and smiling at me like she’s grateful I’m here, too, and the pull she has over me is too powerful. I’m desperate to stay here in her presence just a little longer.
“So what do you think of the accommodations?” I ask, indicating toward the bed.Oh god, Nate, yes, let’s talk about the bed.“Does it make you feel like a princess?”
Becca giggles. “It makes me feel like I’m five. Rosie would love it. So wouldThea, actually, though she would pretend not to.”
“That’s what you should bring them as a souvenir,” I somehow manage to say. Part of me feels like I’m floating outside my body, watching myself have a perfectly normal, friendly conversation as if this is a perfectly normal, friendly thing to do and not a moment when I’m going to desperately wish that I’d taken a chance.
Touching her would be so wrong. I’ve never wanted something so wrong this badly in my life.
“Can you get me one of these after the show?” Becca asks. “Do they use the same ones every time, or is there, like, a clearance sale I can hit?”
She grins at me, and I smile back. She’s got such a great smile, and I’m always taken by it, even if she’s smiling about another man.
“Am I your bed broker now?” I’m trying to keep up the friendly banter, but I’m not sure I’m succeeding. “Is there any dirty job you won’t have me do?”
Oh. Shit.Becca’s eyes flash and her face flushes, and I know mine is too.The heat between us is unbearable, and this is my cue. I have to get the hell out of here before I do something I regret.
“I’m going to go see if they’re ready for you,” I say, and I flee out the door about as gracefully as Becca exited the carriage.
Smooth, Nate, I tell myself.Way to not make it seem like you’re hitting on her.
But my whole body is aching, and that’s not the part I regret.
