“I believe you can be really attracted to someone, obviously,” I say slowly. “But more than that, I believe you can feel drawn to a person. I believe that, almost immediately, you can tell that you’ll feel a real connection.”
Now my heart’s pounding so hard I hope he can’t visibly see it thumping against the top of my dress.
“And you felt that when you first saw Preston?” he asks.
No, I did not. And maybe it’s because I’m thinking about who Ididfeel that connection with, but a smile twitches at my lips. “I mean, if I met him at a coffee shop, and he offered to buy me a muffin, I wouldn’t turn it—”
“No, no, no,” Nate cuts me off, his lips tugging up too. “You don’t offer to buy the girl a muffin.That just puts her in a position of feeling like she has to say no. You just buy a muffin and then you offer it to her.”
Just like that, my heart feels a million times lighter. “Oh my god, Nate, do you do this a lot?”
He’s openly grinning now, and it hits me all over again how incredible that smile is. “No. But if I did do it, I would do sorespectfully. It’s not like she has to accept the muffin.”
The camerawomen is looking back and forth between us like we’re crazy.
“But,” I say, “won’t she feel like she has to, if you’ve already bought the muffin? What if she’s not hungry? What if she’s gluten intolerant?”
“Then I guess I just got myself a muffin.” Nate shrugs. “It’s a win either way.”
I laugh, and Nate’s grinning and there’s this moment where it feels like the carriage all over again, like it’s just the two of us, and I can’t stop looking at his lips and imagining how they would feel—
Nate suddenly seems to notice the camerawoman’s presence, and he sits back, his grin slipping.
Right. We’re supposed to be talking about Preston.
He dives back into the questions (“What would it mean to you to get the At First SightTiara tonight?” “Was there anything you didn’t get a chance to say to Preston that you wish you had?” “How would it feel to leave here tonight?”) and I dive back into doing my best to answer them without lying but also giving what the show wants.
I have to be reminded three separate times to restate the question. I’m talking around things and saying “um” way too much and sounding distant even to myself.
I suck at this. Why did I ever think I could be on a dating show when I can’t even date?
Finally—dear god, finally—Nate calls it on the interview, and we head out. I expect him to ditch me the minute we leave, but he walks with me to the main room.There’s a tension between us again, even worse than when we first walked into that interview room, and it feels awful.
But I’m still glad he’s standing here with me, even if I’m too aware of how easy it would be to brush my fingers against his.
We watch the girls milling around the room, many still talking and drinking. Others are slumped on the couches, the exhaustion setting in. Cameras are everywhere, capturing it all.
“I’m glad you had a great conversation with Preston,” Nate says after a moment. “And talking about Disney princes? Rosie would love that.” He smiles over at me. “Maybe you two really are made for each other.”
I’m not sure where one would get that idea from us talking about something my five-year-old would love, but a boulder settles in my gut, because I get what he’s doing. He’s making it clear he’s not interested in me, lest I become confused by all that sexually charged talk in the carriage and our moment in the interview about the muffins.
I look away, anywhere but at him, and my gaze lands on the empty red pillow. “Doesn’t look like he agrees, because the tiara’s gone, and it’s not onmyhead.”
Before Nate can say anything, Madison swoops into the room as if summoned by my words, the tiara glittering on her strawberry-blond hair. Several girls swarm around her and congratulate her too brightly, while others roll their eyes or make side comments to each other. Madison is practically bursting with the effort of trying to look shy and “oh my gosh I didn’t expect this” humble.
I didn’t care much about it before, but now I really wish I had gotten that stupid tiara. Maybe then Nate wouldn’t feel like he had to spell out his lack of interest, and I could maintainsomedignity.
“So how’s your goal of making friends going?” he asks quickly.
I’m grateful for the conversation change. “Well, there’s Jo.” I gesture over to where Jo is standing on the outskirts as one of the eye-rollers. “She’s pretty awesome. Even if she apparently does bring out that bitchy side of me I was worried about. Another reason why I am definitely not wanting my girls to see this.”
“Do you think you’ll let them watch any of the show?”
I shrug. “I mean, I’m sure they’ll see it all someday—it’s going to be out there, you know? But when they’re so young . . . Some of it, for sure.They’d both freak out if they didn’t get to see all the gowns and fancy stuff.” I smile at the thought of their excitement—evenThea’s, though she’d try to play it cool. “But definitely not all.”
Nate nods. “I guess not the tower episode.”
“Yeah,” I say with a shaky laugh. “Though no one sees what happens in the DallianceTower, right?”
