Four
Nate
Yeah, okay, I am definitely way too into Becca. I expected that I was going to fall a little in love with all the girls I interviewed, but I did six more interviews after Becca—including all the Black girls, but not, the head producer Levi assured me, because I’m Black—and while several of them seemed like awesome people and all of them were gorgeous, none of them had the effect on me that Becca had.
Has, apparently.
I stare off at one of the lamp posts lining the road outside the castle, trying not to imagine what it would be like to offer to relieve her of her sexual frustration, to lift up her skirts and kiss my way up her thighs and rock her entire world right here in the carriage.
Okay, I am completely failing at not imagining that. But at least I have the self-control not toofferand get a horrified rejection and probably lose my job.
Not that I couldn’t probably lose my job over some of the things I’ve said, if Becca took offense to them. I’m not sure what possessed me to ask so many penis-related questions, besides that she was laughing, and I wanted to keep her laughing. She honestly didn’t seem uncomfortable with it.
I hope I’m not going to find out later that she was. I would hate myself if I did anything to hurt her.
Which is why I had better get myself under control and this conversation back where it’s supposed to be. I can ask about her dating life. I’m beingpaidto ask.
But I need to cut back on the questions I’m only asking because I wish I could take her out and kiss her until she’s weak in the knees, then break my first-date-hookups rule and take her home and make love to her all night long.
Oh my god, Nate. Stop. Get this conversation back on track.
“So, what do you hope will happen when you meet Prince Charming?” I ask. “This guy could be the one, right?”
“Do you think so?” She frowns, her tone doubtful. “Is this really how it’s going to happen for me? On a reality show?”
“When you think about meeting someone and falling in love, how do you imagine it happening?”
There.That’s better.That sounds like the kind of question I’m being paid to get her to answer.
“I don’t know,” she says. “I don’t really let myself think about it.”
“Really?” I ask. “Never?” Becca is obviously reticent to talk about her late husband. Every time I ask her about him, she dodges. Probably she’s still heartbroken. I wonder if she doesn’t want to admit that she’s already had the great love of her life and doesn’t know if she can fall in love again.
“I try to shut my brain down every time it goes in that direction,” Becca says.
Huh. “So you don’t want to fall in love.”
“It’s more that I don’t want to get my hopes up, I think. As much as I hate to admit it, I’m a romantic. But I don’t want to let myself get attached to romantic ideas.”
I smile at her. “What about with your late husband? What’s the most romantic thing he ever did for you?”
Becca hesitates. “One time, after I had Rosie, he took me out to buy a new dress and then to this nice restaurant. I’d mentioned the week before that I would like to try that place, and he took care of everything—the babysitter, the reservations. It might not sound like much, but as a new mom of two, it was . . . really nice.”
It’s a sweet story, even though it’s obviously hard for her to tell it. “Okay,” I say. “So there’s a romantic story. And now you’re in a carriage, in a ball gown, about to meet Prince Charming. You’re allowed have romantic thoughts, now, right?
She gives me a grudging smile. “I guess so.”
“So if you didn’t imagine meeting someone on a reality show, then where? How would you want it to go?”
“Okay, fine. If, for the duration of the show, I’m being fanciful, I guess I’d always thought I’d meet someone in a normal way.”
“Like onTinder.”
She narrows her eyes, but she’s grinning. “Not onTinder! I don’t know, maybe at a coffee shop. Like, I’m sitting there having my coffee, just enjoying the day, and there’s a cute guy at one of the other tables. Our eyes meet, then he comes over and asks if he can join me. We start talking, and he asks if I want half his muffin, and—”
“Are you serious?This cheap-ass dude can’t buy you your own muffin?”
“What? I think that would be sweet!”
