Really, I think he is. It will be very hard for them to paint me as a villain after this.
“Look,” I say, trying to get in control of the situation. “I’m sorry that I hurt you, but it’s not like you weren’t dating a lot of other women at the time.”
“I was supposed to be!” Preston shouts. “But you weren’t supposed to be dating anyone but me. And did you reallysleepwith him?”
“Yes, I did!” I’m not sure that was the best thing to admit, but damn it, I’m tired of hiding, and I’m not going to do so for the comfort of someone like Preston. “And it wasawesome.”
There’s a stunned gasp from the audience and a moment of deafening silence.Then someone far in the back starts to clap, and the rest of the audience joins in with catcalls and applause. I feel my face grow hot, but I let myself grin.
That’s right. Being with Nateisawesome, and I don’t care if everyone knows it.
Preston is sputtering, and before he can figure out what else he wants to shout at me, Swiss cuts him off. “We need to go to commercial break, and after that, we’ll have a chat with Becca about what exactly went on with her and Nate the producer.”
Then, before I know what’s happening, security appears and escorts Preston right off the stage, still sputtering. We’ve gone to commercial, but the cameras are no doubt still capturing my reaction as the audience claps for this as well.
Holy shit.This is not at all how I expected this to go.
“So, Becca,” Swiss says when the break is over. “Tell us when you first started developing feelings for Nate.”
“Honestly,” I say, “it was when he came to my house to do my first interview.” I’m pretty sure that’s damning, given that I’m admitting to having feelings for Nate before I even met Preston, but I don’t get booed off the stage, so I keep going. I tell them about that night in the carriage (though I leave out the specifics of exactly what we wanted to do to each other), and about the stuck zipper incident. I asked Nate if he wanted me to keep anything that happened between us a secret, and he told me he trusts me and that I’d know what to say.
I hope I’m living up to his belief in me. As I talk about the early days of our relationship, I hope it’s all coming out right.
I have regrets from the show but not about us being together, so I don’t want to hide. As I’m finishing talking about pouring my heart out to Nate on that balcony, Swiss interrupts me. “I think we all want to know, how did your family react to learning the truth about your marriage?”
I tense, but I try not to let it show for the cameras.The truth is, things with my in-laws are still difficult. I’m working on forgiving them, and I know I will be able to eventually—they’re a big part of both my life and my girls’, and I don’t want to lose that. I also don’t want to humiliate them publicly, so I’m hoping not to talk about them at all. Instead, I focus on the girls. “I talked toThea about it before the show aired,” I say, which is true, even though it was when the show was stillfilming. “It turned out she knew more than I thought she did. Rosie still doesn’t know—I didn’t let the girls watch more than a few pre-screened clips of the show—but I’m going to talk to her about it when she’s older. Opening up to Nate about it and processing it has helped me to believe I’ll be able to tell my girls the truth when they’re ready for it, without destroying their memories of their father, which I would never want to do.”
The audience applauds, and while it’s still hard for me to accept that I deserve accolades for anything concerning my relationship with Rob, I’m still grateful that they seem to understand. I told myself I wouldn’t base my own feelings toward this whole situation on the reaction of the audience.
But it still feels good that they’re on my side.
“Tell us when things between you and Nate developed further,” Swiss says, and I take a deep breath, and then talk about the one-on-one date and wishing I was on it with Nate. And then I confess about sneaking into his hotel room, and the producer coming to the door, and all my doubts and fears about whether or not I could trust him.
“I was a mess,” I say, “and I’m not proud of the way I handled everything. Most of all, I regret that I hurt Nate, but in general I wish I’d handled everything better.”
“Would you say,” Swiss says ominously, “that you were on the show for the right reasons?”
I want to immediately answer no, but I think about it. “Even before I came on the show,” I say carefully, “I didn’t like the idea of joining a lineup of girls who are all wondering if they’re the right one for the prince. I felt like I was there, not to see if I was the one Preston wanted, but to see if he was the oneIwanted. Not for him, but for me. And in that way, I think I was there for the right reasons. I found the person who is right for me, and it wasn’t Preston.”
Swiss quirks a smile at the camera. “Well, we’ve heard from Becca, and we’ll have more questions for her. But I think it’s time that we bring out Nate and let him tell his side of the story. Becca, should we bring out your man?”
“Please, god, yes,” I say, and the audience laughs at how eager I am.
But really, all I want is that man by my side, not just now, but forever and ever.
Everything’s better when I’m facing it with Nate.
