“You knew the producers were going to keep you,” I say, finally turning off the music on my phone, though I don’t take out the other earbud. “I didn’t tell you because I thoughtyou knewthat’s why you were making it through the tiara ceremonies. You told me as much.”
Becca takes a deep breath, and I hate myself for how good it feels to have her close, even as much as it hurts. “I knew they were going to keep mein the beginning.I didn’t know it had gone on pretty much the whole time.”
I’m a little amazed Preston thought it was a good idea to open his big mouth about that. But I really didn’t ever mean to keep that a secret.
I’m also not sure how it justifies throwing her overnight with Preston in my face.
“And so, finding that out after I’d trusted you to—” she continues, but I glare hard enough at her that her words cut off.
“You never trusted me,” I say coldly. Becca looks like she wants to argue, but I don’t want to hear it. I can’t. “The first time you had doubts about me, you ran with them.That’s not trust. It’s a lack of doubt.”
Becca looks stunned, and when she nods, I realize how much what I really wanted was for her to deny it.
“I’m so sorry,” she says, barely above a whisper, but I can’t hear that right now, either. Because I know it’s not going to be followed up with what my traitorous heart still wants—for her to say that she wants to take all that back, start again, actually trust me this time.
“Maybe I should have told you,” I say. “But I didn’t want to be that guy who was sabotaging your relationship with Preston, trying to get you to leave the show. It was a conflict of interest. I didn’t want to cross that line.”
Becca doesn’t retort that I was fine with crossing dozens of other lines, which is true.
There’s a long beat of silence between us, filled with the sounds of the intercom announcing a flight boarding, and the ambient airport noises of chatter and carry-ons being wheeled down the hallway.
Why the hell is she even still here? Why doesn’t she just leave me alone to—
“I talked to my in-laws about telling the show about Rob,” Becca says suddenly.
I stare at her. “You . . . seriously? During the family visit?”
“Yeah,” she says, hugging her arms around herself. She looks so small, and all I want to do is put my arm around her and tell her it’s going to be okay.
Even if she didn’t sleep with Preston, she’s still dating him. Nothing about this conversation is an invitation to get involved again, and even if it was, I’m not going to let her pull me back in just to break my heart all over again.
But I still can’t keep myself from asking, “How did it go?”
“Not great,” Becca says. For a moment I think she’s not going to elaborate, and I guess I can imagine the rest. But then she adds, “They already knew.”
That catches me by surprise. “What?”
She shrugs. “It turns out they overheard some things over the years and they suspected there was more. So they knew all along about the way Rob treated me, and they never said anything.”
“Shit,” I say. If I thought the impulse to reach out to hold her was strong before, it’s nothing compared to now. “Theyknew?”
She nods miserably but doesn’t elaborate.
“Assholes,” I say. I expect her to snap at me that they were in a bad situation, they didn’t know what to do.That’s probably true, but the fact that they didn’t even say anythingafterRob was gone and they wouldn’t have been concerned about interfering in their marriage anymore, that they couldn’t have once told her that she didn’t have to pretend everything was perfect—
It makes my blood boil, thinking about that weight she’s carried, how fiercely she felt she had to protect that secret, for her girls, yes, but for her in-laws, too.
“Yeah,” Becca whispers. “Pretty much.”
She seems so sad and so alone, and I lift my hand, intending at least to rest it on her arm. I don’t want her to feel alone, not ever—
This is how I got caught up in this before. Shit, I can’tdothis again. She says one vulnerable thing to me and I’m just going to get swept away again and let her hurt me over and over.
I can’t. However much she might act like she wants me, she’s still datingPreston. “I’m sorry they did that to you,” I say, keeping my voice as detached as possible. I clear my throat and put my other ear bud in and turn the phone away from her so she can’t see that the music isn’t playing.
Becca hesitates, still sitting there and picking at her nails, and I feel like I could crawl out of my skin. All I want is to have back what I thought I had before—this amazing woman who wanted me and who I wanted with all my heart.Turns out none of it was real—god, how do I even know this story about her in-laws isn’t just a lie concocted to pull me into her web again?
I can’t do this. I need her to leave. I pull one of my ear buds out again and turn to her. “Why are you still here?” I snap.
