Not giving Nate the satisfaction of knowing I only ever felt that way about him and maybe only ever will.
“Wonderful.That’s great to hear.” But his voice sounds tight.
Because it’s affecting him to hear this from me?
Probably not. Probably I’m reading too much into every little tiny mannerism. Look where that got me before.
“So you say your relationship has become something more,” he says. “What does ‘something more’ mean to you?”
What does something more mean to me? It means real, true connection. It means friendship and passion and safety and love and trust and belonging, all these ingredients mixed together to create this perfect dish that some people make so effortlessly and others will spend their whole lives trying and failing to create.
And some people think they might finally have it, only to watch it sink like a bad soufflé.That’s the worst of all.
I wet my lips.“‘Something more’ means that it feels like our relationship took a big step forward last night. Like, really getting to feel that chemistry between us. It was like that future felt so much more real, you know? Something I couldtrust.”
“Ibet,” he says with a smile so aggressively polite I feel like I’m being sold extended warranty insurance. “So this chemistry . . . It sounds like you had a lot offunwith Preston in the tower.”
He wants to go there? Sure thing, Nate.
“Well,” I say with a giggly laugh that feels like it should be accompanied by a hair flip, though I can’t bring myself to go that far. “I’ll keep the details to myself, but spending a night alone in a tower with hot prince? Oh yeah. We definitely had lots offun.”
He blinks too rapidly, and his dark eyes flash. And I know it then, I’m not imagining it.The set of his jaw, the way he’s gripping the clipboard—
He’s jealous.
My pulse races, guilt creeping in and mingling with stupid, stupid hope, but I’m not going to let myself get carried away with that again. No.
I never doubted that the sexual attraction he felt for me was real. So yeah, maybe he’s jealous. Rob used me and didn’t actually love me and he sure as hell got jealous.
So if Nate is jealous now, that’s good. It’s not the heart-stomping he did to me.
“How do you think Preston felt about your night together?” Nate asks.The words sound like they’re being pushed through gritted teeth.
Ishouldn’tfeel bad about it. But maybe it’s because I do that I lean even harder into this.
“Oh, I think Preston felt really good about our night together.” My voice is practically a purr. “I would say it wasdeeply satisfyingfor both of us.”
The punch lands. I see it happen, the way he flinches.The way his body kind of curls inward around it.
And it doesn’t feel good at all, hurting him back like this. Because that’s real hurt, not just wounded pride, and oh god, does that mean—
“Would you—” he starts, then swallows and starts again. “Would you say you’re falling in love with—”
He looks up, just for a second, but that’s enough for me to see his eyes are wet with tears, reflecting back that despair to me that I’ve felt every second of every day since I stormed out of his hotel room.
I can’t breathe.
“I’ll be right back,” he says, jumping to his feet and setting the clipboard down so quickly it hits the chair and slides off. He doesn’t pick it up. He practically flees from the room.
Oh my god.
Now I’m the one who feels punched in the gut, but he’s not the one causing it.
Was heneverthe one causing it?
I want to run after him, but I’m pinned to the chair with uncertainty and fear and guilt.
The cameraman and I stare at each other. He doesn’t say anything, just starts fiddling with some buttons on the camera. Most likely pretending to.
