I personally check all their buckles and rope placement, give them a few safety reminders about where to put their hands and their feet, how to use the clips and the belay device, and make sure they each have the correct radio that will let them communicate with the person belaying them.
“All right,” I say, after they’ve all lined up on the edge of the cliff. Genesis is muttering some kind of prayer, and Monroe is whispering swear words under her breath, but it’s Kate who appears most concerned, blanching white as a sheet.
I guess I was right to be dubious about her climbing experience claims.
“You’re good,” I tell them. “All you need to do is lean back, keep your hands on the rope, your knees straight and your feet on the rock, and walk your way down. Don’t forget to give the command through the radio when you start.” I turn around, leaning against the ropes, feeling them taut with support. I give and receive commands through the radio, then walk my way backward over the edge of the cliff.
I remember this being the scariest part, back when I was new at this.The moment you have to lean back into the ropes and walk over a drop that could kill you. You hang there, not at all sure where your feet are going to land on the other side. Monroe has prepared them for this moment, apparently, because she calls out, “All right, ladies! It’s time to face your fears! Send them out to the universe!” She draws in a deep breath and takes that step over. “I’m afraid of cellulite!” she yells.
Cellulite? I mean, okay, I guess, but—
“I’m afraid of how my nails are going to look after this!” Destyny shouts as she does the same, her words coming out a bit strangled.
“I’m afraid I’m going to twist my ankle!” Genesis adds, squeaking in the middle when she walks over the edge. “And my foot will be too swollen for this season’s Manolo Blahniks!”
They all look a little horrified. I think she might even get sympathy from Destyny if that happened.
“I’m afraid of falling!” Calista calls, and I’ll give her this—for once she is the most on point.
Kate seems unwilling to admit that she’s afraid of anything, though I notice she hasn’t set even one foot over the cliff and is still leaning forward with her knees bent like she’s terrified.
“It’s okay, Kate,” I say. “Go ahead and lean back into the ropes.Tim’s got you on belay, and he won’t let you fall.”
Kate looks at me wide-eyed, and I’m starting to regret my choice to have her the farthest from me. Because, yeah, I don’t want her grabbing my ass while we’re fifty feet in the air, but I put her over there mostly because I expected she’d need the least help.
“Keep those fears coming, girls!” Monroe says, and I notice she’s almost passing me as she heads over the edge and walks down the cliff, the rope slowly releasing as she goes. “I’m afraid of bad camera angles!”
“I’m afraid of split ends!” Destyny yells.
“I’m afraid of spider veins!” Calista contributes.
“I’m afraid of anesthesia!” Genesis says.
“Oh, that is a problem!” Monroe says, looking over at her. “You know, you can take a Xanax for that.”
“I’m afraid to do this!” Kate shouts from the top of the cliff. Everyone else has at least managed to take a couple steps except her, and I’m wishing I was still up there with her, so I could talk her through it.
“Kate, can you hear me?” I shout.
“Yes!” she calls back.
“I want you to relax your body.”
“I can’t!” she says. “I’ll fall!”
“It’s not possible for you to fall right now,” I tell her. “For one, you have ropes that won’t let you slip more than a foot or two. And for another, you’ve still got your feet planted on solid ground. You don’t have to take a step back. Just relax your shoulders for me, okay? Imagine getting a massage and let your muscles go.”
I wonder if the massage thing is going to backfire on me, but Kate is too scared to make sexual remarks. “Okay,” she says, and her shoulders unhunch a bit. She looks behind her at me, then quickly faces forward again.
“Don’t look back,” I tell her. “But I want you to lean against the rope, like you’re at the gym and you’re using a piece of equipment. Don’t think about the drop.”
“Oh my god, I’m afraid of the drop!” Calista says.
I do a quick check of how everyone else is doing. Destyny is turned slightly in her bedazzled harness and staring down at the ground in wonder.The other three have their eyes up and are making their way down the cliff with varying degrees of progress, though they’re all at least a foot or two past me.
“Doing great, ladies!” Monroe calls. “Keep them coming! Release those fears! I’m afraid of razor burn!”
“I’m afraid people are always talking behind my back!” Genesis says.
