“What is your problem with Connor?” I ask.
He shrugs, still not looking at me. “He’s annoying. He’s the kind of person whose texts are all, like,punctuatedandgrammatically correct.”
I gape. I don’t know what I was expecting, but it wasn’t something as ridiculous as that. “I’mthat kind of person.”
“Yeah, well,youdon’t annoy me.”Though he sounds more than a little annoyed right now. He seems to realize that and lets out a breath. “Look, I’ll get out of your hair and let you work. Anything on the production side you want me to take care of?”
“No. I’ve got it.” I even sound pissy about that. Very mature, Emily.
“I wasn’t suggesting youdon’t. But if you need help—”
“I just need to get some things done,” I say, and I stand up and storm out of the tent.
Two
Jason
Iknow that conversation with Emily did not go well, though I’m not exactly sure why. She surprised me with her question about living together. I mean, I would gladly be with Emily every hour of the day.There’s nothing in the world better than being with Emily—she’s my happy place, and when I’m with her, it doesn’t matter what else is going on. She’s everything I need.
I am really not sure how this woman thinks she can live with me, but if she can, I’m grateful for it. I try not to push her for anything that might make her think too hard about whether or not she can really put up with me in the long term, but I guess the way things are can’t last forever.
The fact is, at some point Emily’s going to realize she’s a highly organized, ambitious career woman who is dating a guy who’s never worked a nine-to-five and makes a living climbing shit. She’ll realize she wants someone more serious, more suited to a real future with her. I know Emily would never cheat on me. I know she’s going to break it to me nicely when that happens. But that’s the day I’m going to get my heart ripped out of my body, and I’m pretty sure that shit does not grow back.
I hope I have not begun that inevitable unravelling by my apparent mishandling of that conversation today, but I don’t have a lot of time to figure it out. Later that afternoon, I have my first introductory session with the Not-Wives. We aren’t actually climbing anything, but it will be filmed, so I found a nice place to set this up just around the bend at the east edge of the camp, right in front of a huge sandstone arch. It makes for a way cooler background than the campsite, and the camera people don’t have to worry about keeping the crew tents out of the shot.
Today the Not-Wives (the collective name by which I’m contractually obligated to refer to them) will gather together to go over climbing protocol and safety, and we’ll fit them for their harnesses. According to the schedule, they’ve got a series of “team building exercises” afterward with Monroe, who I’m pretty sure is one of the Not-Wives. Emily has just come back from finishing up her marketing proposal and is helping me unload the equipment we’ll use for the demonstration.
I sort out a set of ropes and harnesses so we can teach the Not-Wives how to clip in, and then go over the rough outline of what I’m supposed to be teaching today. I don’t have a script, and I don’t need one. I’ve been teaching people to climb since I was twelve years old and got my first (unofficial and under the table) job working at my Scoutmaster’s climbing gym. I don’t need lines to tell me what to say, and Rich seems happy to let me wing it as long as I don’t suck at it.
Hopefully if I occasionally do suck at something, they’ll do what we do on my show: edit it out or save it for the bloopers.
“Have you talked to Rich?” Emily asks. “I still need a copy of the schedule so we know what the parameters are as we scout locations.”
“Yeah,” I say. “Rich dropped off a schedule for us to go over.” I motion to the stapled paper packet on top of the box of chalk bags, and Emily gives me a look like this should have been the first thing out of my mouth.
Great. I’ve given her another reason to be pissed at me, and I’m still not entirely sure what the first reason was.
“How long have you had this?” she asks.
“Like ten minutes. Relax. We didn’t miss anything.”
She starts studying the thing like it’s the answers to the bar exam. Emily has worked on my show a little bit, but she’s never worked on a project this big. None of us have, unless you count that time I was a contestant onStarving with the Stars. Which I don’t, since all I had to do then was climb palm trees and generally act like an idiot. It’s my thing, and audiences eat it up.
“We’re going to handle this,” I tell Emily. “I’d take you over Nate any day.”
“I’m certainly prettier,” she says. Which is true. I mean, my former producer Nate is a good-looking guy, but I’m not into dudes. And no one is prettier than Emily. No one. She’s not a supermodel, but I actually think she’s prettier than one, because she’s got this natural beauty that’s way more attractive than anything airbrushed. I don’t think she’s even wearing makeup today, and she doesn’t need it. She’s got deep brown eyes and gorgeous dark hair and looks equally beautiful made up for a party or on the fourth day of a backpacking trip sleeping in the dirt without a shower.
“Definitely,” I say. “But as Nate proved, beauty is not required for this job, so it’s a good thing you’re brilliant and capable, too.”
Emily smiles at me, but it’s forced. Probably that’s still about the conversation from earlier, but I don’t know if I should try to get her to talk about it or try not to rock the boat.
Given the option, I always prefer to avoid boat rocking.
“I’m worried you’re going to suddenly need something for a climb that I haven’t thought of ahead of time. Something Nate would have thought of.”
Nate was always good at thinking of everything. Which I’m sure he’s now doing at his new job as a producer forChasing Prince Charming. It’s a dating reality show with the highest ratings on network television. I’m happy for him, but I’m less happy for me for losing my best friend to a much bigger and cooler job. It stings even worse to know that he wouldn’t have left if I’d taken him up on any of his ideas to pitch bigger and better shows, instead of just sticking with the same old YouTube shtick we’ve been running for years.
What stings most is that I love our same old show. It got old for him, I guess, but it never has for me. “Yeah, well, it’s not like he’s going to come back now that he’s playing with the cool kids.”
