Not that this will stop me from stressing about other things.
“Of course, darling,” Monroe says. I think she might be about to lean in for a goodbye air kiss when another familiar-looking woman approaches, her short, dark brown hair framing a heart-shaped face.
“Monroe! I’m so glad to finally meet you!” the woman says, and Monroe turns.
“Oh, dear girl, what an absolute pleasure!” Monroe coos back.These two air kiss much more competently than I managed. “I have heard so many wonderful things about you.”
I have heard less wonderful things.This woman is Genesis Swann, judgmental religious zealot and designer of the Christian jewelry line, Bling Me, Jesus!™ She’s currently wearing one of these pieces, a giant cross so covered in rhinestones that I’m pretty sure it could provide an exorcism by merely blinding any demons in the vicinity. It also emphasizes an impressive bust, which is on full display in a barely-there leopard-print halter top.
Genesis turns and looks me over like she’s wondering why on earth I’m standing in Monroe’s vaunted presence.
“Genesis, darling,” Monroe drawls, “this is Emily Powski. She is going to teach us to mountain climb.”
“EmilyPietrowski,” I say. “And actually, it’s my boyfriend Jason who will be—”
“Oh, you work with your boyfriend,” Monroe says, appearing to take interest in me for the first time. “Careful, dear. I don’t like to speak ill of my ex husband, but toward the end, he treated me as little more than a business investment.”
This shouldn’t sting. It’s not like I think Monroe has any actual relationship expertise beyond the ability to think up witty one-liners about the state of her marriage.
But the comment digs into the cracks of my own insecurities with tiny claws. Jason loves me—I know he does. He says it all the time. But lately, something’s been off with us, especially when the subject of moving forward comes up. A few months ago, at my sister’s wedding, my aunt asked him if we were considering marriage—an awkward question, for sure. In the past, Jason would laugh off something like that, but instead, he froze and wouldn’t meet my eyes, and then immediately went to get us both another drink.
Not exactly the reaction I wanted from the guy I’d like to spend the rest of my life with.
Genesis clears her throat, and I turn from Monroe back to her. “A pleasure to meet you,” she says in a tone that doesn’t exactly match the words. She goes in for an air kiss, too, and this time I’m more prepared—
But I turn my face the wrong way (how the hell does one know which cheek to kiss first?) and end up even more awkwardly kissing her on her lips.
Wow, I am the worst at this. Monroe eyes me with tragic pity.
I do, however, take no small amount of satisfaction at the horrified look on Genesis’s face at having locked lips, even so briefly, with another woman. My sister Laura and her wife Claudia would find this hilarious. Claudia would undoubtedly make some joke about Genesis needing to “pray the gay away.”
If she runs off and does this, I sure hope a camera catches it.
For now, though, she just gives me a thin smile, then turns back to Monroe. “You know, I’ve recently added pet jewelry to my line,” she says. “I have the most fabulous dog collar, studded with ruby and diamond crosses, thatTiberius would adore.”
I may be reading too much into a dog’s expression, butTiberius appears dubious.
“That sounds delightful,” Monroe says, pettingTiberius again. “He loves jewelry. As long as it’s tasteful, of course.”
Genesis now looks offended that Monroe would assume it to be anything else. After seeing Genesis’s “Van Helsing in Drag” necklace in person, I don’t think it’s an unfair clarification. “Obviously,” Genesis says. “It would tastefully showTiberius’s faith in—oh my dear Lord, no.”
Genesis’s dark eyes widen as she sees something over my shoulder. I turn, and there’s Destyny looking equally shocked—not that it’s far from her regular expression.
“What are you doing here?” Destyny demands.
“The same thing you are,” Genesis responds tightly. “Unless, of course, you’re here to spread your legs for someone else’s husband. Again.”
Destyny gasps, though Genesis has said this same type of insult in practically every scene they’ve been in together for the two years they’ve been starring on the same reality show. Destyny’s plastic surgeon ex was previously Genesis’s husband, who left her for Destyny.
It doesn’t seem to matter that he then left Destyny for a different woman.They appear to be way more pissed at each other than either of them ever were at him.
I notice we’re now ringed by cameras, and boom mics are being quickly moved into position, even though these women undoubtedly had mic packs applied the moment they arrived.The film crew might not have cared about Monroe or Genesis talking to a lowly producer, but they definitely care about this.
And I’m standing squarely in the middle of it.
Shit. I really don’t like being in the spotlight. I’ve done it a bit on Jason’s show, but I prefer to manage things from behind the camera. Jason is the one who’s good at showmanship, at ease with all eyes on him, and I’m more than happy to leave that to him.
“How dare you,” Destyny squeals back. “Maybe if you’d spent less time with your hands on your crosses and more time with your hands on his—”
