We pull up in front of a house, and Kim puts on her sunglasses before we leave the car. Our therapist must be waiting for us, because he steps out before we even reach the door and introduces himself, then directs us around to the business entrance.
Dr. Welsley is an older guy, probably in his late fifties or early sixties, but he’s in good shape—the kind of guy who uses a calorie counting fitness app and juices his own organic smoothies.The grounds of his house are carefully manicured. He walks us around to a glass door with slotted blinds encased in the window and lets us into a spacious den that’s been turned into an office.There’s a spotless desk with a computer, a huge bookcase covered in psychology books and a wide selection of travel books from all over the world.
Kim’s gripping my hand tightly, and I squeeze reassuringly.The truth is, I’m nervous. If anyone’s about to be told that they aren’t right for this relationship, it’s going to be me. Besides, Kim’s done this whole therapy thing before, and I’m realizing I should have asked her more questions about what it’s like.
Dr. Welsley sits in a big, leather armchair and offers us a love seat across from him. I always pictured therapy happening in a tiny office, and in this large space, I feel exposed.
“So,” Dr. Welsley says. “Tell me why you’re here.”
“We’re divorced,” I say. “That was a huge mistake, and we want to be together again. But since we messed things up so badly last time, we need help.”
Dr. Welsley smiles and picks up a notepad from the coffee table between us. “Why don’t you start at the beginning, so I can get some perspective on your relationship.”
We tell him the entire story, beginning with how we met. Kim and I go back and forth, swapping stories of how things used to be and how they started to go wrong. I talk about always feeling helpless, unable to make her happy, and she says that she always felt like she was making me miserable, that someday I was going to realize she wasn’t worth it. And then, from her perspective, I did.
“That’s not what happened, though,” I say. “I felt like I was hurting her, and for her sake, I needed to stop.”
We tell him briefly about getting back together, and I realize that most of our session has gone by, just telling him our history. A lump forms in my throat.
It isn’t enough. Not that I expect one therapy session to solve everything, but we need helpnow.
“All right,” Dr. Welsley says. “Blake, I want you to tell me about Kim.”
“What?” I ask.
“Tell me about Kim,” Dr. Welsley says. “Pretend she’s not here. How would you describe her to me?”
“We’re almost out of time,” I tell him. “Don’t you have any advice for us?”
Dr. Welsley laughs. “You’re paying me by the hour, Blake. We can stay here all night if you need to.Trust me on this.”
I take a deep breath. “Kim is my favorite person in the entire world,” I say. “She’s smart and driven and wonderful. She’s a fantastic mom, and I can’t imagine wanting to share kids with anyone else.” I look over at her.There are tears in her eyes, and I feel some starting to burn behind mine, too. “I love her more than anything,” I say, and Kim reaches over and takes my other hand.
“And does she have any faults?” Dr. Welsley asks.
I shrug. “Sure. Mostly that she’s too hard on herself, and she worries too much about letting other people down.”
Kim looks like she wants to argue, but she doesn’t.
Dr. Welsley smiles. “Thank you. Kim, would you tell me about Blake?”
I’m suddenly embarrassed—I don’t want Kim to feel like she has to say nice things about me just because I did about her. I was only being honest. “You can tell him the truth,” I say.
Kim hesitates, and I brace myself. I’ve hurt her so badly; she can’t help but have some negative things to say. “Blake is incredible,” she says. “He’s a deeply good person, patient and kind. He’s an excellent actor—he has a gift that, with all my years of experience, I had to struggle to keep up with. He’s a committed father, and he’s great with the kids. He’s fun to be around, and I know he hates it when I say that, because sometimes he feels like that’s all he is. But he makes me laugh, and I don’t think he understands what a gift that is to someone like me who takes life too seriously.”
I close my eyes. I want to argue with her. A person who’s patient doesn’t abandon their spouse when things get hard. I don’t know how she can speak so highly of me.Those things weren’t true when we were together, and they certainly aren’t—
“Blake,” Dr. Welsley says. “It seems like that’s hard for you to hear.”
I open my eyes.The tears are very close now, and I don’t want to cry in front of Kim. “I guess I don’t think that’s true.”
“Which part?” Dr. Welsley asks.
“All of it. I mean, yeah, I make her laugh, but it’s nothing compared to what she gives me.”
“It’s not nothing,” Kim says. “And that wasn’t an exhaustive list of everything I love about you.”
“Shouldn’t she have to talk about my faults?” I’m suddenly desperate to hear them, like I’m more comfortable with those than the good things.
