“Yeah,” I say, letting out a breath. Forcing a smile. “Yeah, I’m great.”
Peppy, happy Su-Lin.
“Good,” he says, apparently buying it. “By the way, you look stunning.”
It’s a super nice compliment, and I don’t hate hearing it, but all I can think of is Brendan.
You look like the night sky through a skylight.
My heart aches. Is that enough? Especially when compared to a girl—a woman, a sexy goddess of a woman—like Jane Shaw?
I can’t think of that. I can’t, or I’ll look over there again.
“You look pretty great yourself,” I return with a smile, although I hadn’t really noticed what he was wearing until this moment. He’s dressed up a bit more than at the prom, in a nice, slim-cut suit, but he’s got the same fedora on, his shaggy blond hair hanging down from underneath.The whole look works for him.
The music has changed, and a slow song is playing, and now I can’t help but look.
Brendan and Jane are still dancing. She’s pressed up against him, and they’re swaying to the music.
Smiley, happy Su-Lin.
“Do you want to dance?” I ask, with far more enthusiasm than I feel.
“I thought you’d never ask,” he says with a wink. He starts to make the hand motions like he’s going to do the chicken dance, but I grab his hand and step in close. My hand at his shoulder, just like Brendan taught me.
He blinks in surprise, but he recovers quickly and puts his arm around my waist, and we start to dance.
The song playing, I realize, is “So Close,” that one from the ballroom scene in the movieEnchanted, which is one of my favorites. It’s beautiful and haunting, and over Warren’s shoulder, I can see Brendan and Jane dancing, their arms around each other, and all I want in the world right now is to be her in this moment, dancing to this perfect song with him.
I force myself to look away again.To smile at Warren, a cute, really nice guy who likes me. Who wants to be withme. His hand is warm against the bare skin of my back, but it feels wrong that it’s not Brendan’s hand there.That it’s not Brendan’s blue eyes looking into mine, or Brendan’s breath whispering against my cheek.
It feels wrong, but I keep dancing anyway. Because we’re still following the Plan, and I’m scared, and I don’t know what else I can do.
Twenty
Brendan
Dancing with Jane is fun and all—she’s a good dancer, and has an upbeat energy about her that puts me at ease, which is more than I can say about most people. I intend to dance a couple songs with her and then go back to Su-Lin, having done my casual-dating duty for the first part of the evening.The first song ends, and Jane and I begin dancing to the next song, a slow one where she’s closer to me than before and her arms are around me and mine are at her waist, but I’m not paying much attention to how the transition happened.
Because as I turn, I spot Su-Lin talking to that guy again.Warren. He’s standing close to her and leaning in as if he’s saying something confidential. She smiles and says something, and he grins, and seconds later, she’s in his arms.
Dancing to a song I’ve heard dozens of times before, because theEnchantedsoundtrack gets a lot of play when we work in the studio. Su-Lin always gets this dreamy look on her face when this song comes on, and I imagine I always have a similar expression, just watching her.
My stomach sinks, and I force myself to look away.To smile at Jane, to seem like I’m enjoying myself and not dying inside.
“Hey,” Jane says. “Do you want to find someplace to sit down?”
“Yeah,” I say, realizing seconds later that she meantwith herand not, like, that it’s so obvious that I need to recover from the sight of the girl I’m in love with looking even more fantastically gorgeous than usual—which is a feat—and dancing in the arms of another man.
Really close. In a top that hardly covers more than her bra, which I’m assuming sheisn’twearing, given the backless nature of the dress. Unless they make those without backs? I do not understand the physics of that.
Jane takes me by the hand and leads me over by the bar, where there are a bunch of egg-shaped chairs just large enough for two people to sit, all sheltered from the noise and the lights. She sits and pulls me down beside her, and I’m feeling weak in the knees, so I let her. “I’ll grab us some sodas,” Jane says, and she bounces up again so quick that her card-skirt flaps open on her way over, revealing most of her ass and the strings of the red thong she’s wearing underneath.
A lot of the room is blocked, by the chair and the side of the stage, but I can still see Su-Lin and Warren dancing, her head resting on his shoulder.
My body flushes, remembering the feeling of her head resting onmyshoulder, my mind wandering over all the wonderful sensations of last night—her bare skin against mine, her lips on my abdomen, my hands in her hair.
“Raspberry or orange?” Jane asks, thrusting a pair of sodas at my face.
