“I want to,” he says, and I can tell he means it. “I really want to. But I don’t know if I can.”
“Okay,” I say, and we dance in silence for a bit, while my brain tries to pull together what this means and what to do about it.This moment feels tenuous, like if I say the wrong thing, I’ll be friend-zoned forever. Or worse, lose him entirely. “What if we dated . . . casually?”
Brendan’s head tilts. “You and me,” he says skeptically. “Casual.”
I hope he means it like I think he does—that anything that happened between us would be heavy and serious. People usually assume I’m not capable of being serious about anything, but Brendan knows otherwise.
If it’s that or nothing, though . . . “Yes! Casual. We can date other people.” I really don’t love this aspect, but this would make things between us seem less serious (no matter how serious I—and him too, right?—want to be). But a plan is forming in my mind as I speak. “That way, you don’t have to worry about the pressure of a relationship. It’s just fun. Baby steps. A warm up.”
His brow furrows. “Dating other people? I don’t know, Su-Lin, I don’t lovetalkingto other people as a general rule, let alone trying todatethem.”
“Look.” I squeeze his hand, the one he’s guiding me around the dance floor with. “We’ve got this convention in a couple days.” We’re premiering our new sock-puppet show at YouCon, a convention for YouTubers over the next week. Getting ready for that and Mei-Ling’s wedding days apart has been a whirlwind. “It’s the perfect place to meet new people, and I’ll be there to hold your hand through it—metaphorically speaking, mostly, but you know, if we’re dating too, then sometimes literally.Though probably not when you’re on a date with some other girl—” I shake my head, trying to get back on track. “If you can get comfortable with casual dating, then maybe all the relationship stuff won’t seem so . . . scary.”
He hesitates, but he looks like he’s considering it. “Okay,” he says slowly. “But I don’t want to lead a bunch of girls on.”
“People aren’t looking for permanent relationships at a convention. A lot of people will be from out of town anyway. It’s the most casual environment in the world. People are mostly just looking to hook up.”
Brendan goes pale again, and I blurt the next bit out so fast I’m almost shouting. “Not that you need to hook up with anyone!” I really really don’t want him to, though I know that if we’re not seriously dating, I don’t get a say. But I don’t hate that he seems terrified by that idea, at least. “We can just chill with other people at the dances and go to lunch and be . . . casual.”
Brendan blinks at me, and the expression on his face is almost as wide-eyed as when I first met him. His lips press together, then he squeezes my hand back. “This sounds crazy. You know that, right?” But he’s starting to smile again.
I smile back at him. “Yeah, but the best Su-Lin plans usually do. And I have a strong feeling about this.”
I bite my lip, worried he might dismiss the idea entirely, that it might not be worth it to him, even if it could lead to us being together.The con was already going to be tough for him—lots of socializing and networking and meet and greets. Dating is probably the last thing he wants to add to the mix.
“Okay,” he says, and the smile stretches wider. He leans in so close our foreheads are almost touching. His eyes are so blue and his breath warm against my cheeks. “I’m in.”
The song has stopped, and my feet are killing me, but I don’t want to pull away, don’t want to let go. His eyes flick down to my lips, and I think he’s going to kiss me. I glance to the side just enough to see Mei-Ling beaming at us and my dad’s eyebrows drawing together in a concerned expression.
“Um,” I whisper. Brendan follows my gaze and winces.
I’m not ready for this moment to end, especially not in a panic attack. “Any chance you want to kiss me, but not in front of my whole family and a sizable portion of LA’s Chinese population?”
His attention snaps back to me, and he sounds breathless. “Yes.To both.”
“Follow me.” I waggle my eyebrows in what might look suggestive or might look insane.
Right now, I don’t care. Because we’re walking quickly, getting out of the ballroom and away from all those eyes, and we’re both laughing, and I think maybe he’s feeling as happy as I am.
Two
Brendan
Su-Lin and I stumble out of the ballroom and into the carpeted hotel hallway, and I reach for her hand. I’ve only had a glass of champagne, and it’s not the alcohol making my thoughts swirl like I’m on one of those spinning rides at Six Flags that goes around and around and around. Like those rides, I’m at once having the time of my life and feeling vaguely nauseous, but I’m ready to ride this as long as I can, and I have no intention of getting off.
Um.
I’m just giddy enough to say that sentence out loud to Su-Lin in all of its suggestive glory—which I know will make her giggle, and I’d include a post-script about how I certainly wouldn’tmindgetting off, as it were, which I hope she’d know I mostly mean in jest . . .mostly—when a man’s voice calls from down the hall.
“Su-Lin! My favorite cousin!”
“Tate!” Su-Lin spins around but doesn’t let go of my hand. She’s clinging to it like she thinks if she lets go I might run away, which I suppose is fair.
I don’t feel like running now, though.The prospect of kissing her after four months of desperate wishing makes my lips tingle and my blood rush. I look over my shoulder to see her cousinTate approaching. I’ve never met him, but I remember her saying he just moved back to LA from the Bay Area. He’s a tall-ish guy with his hair shaved close on one side of his head and falling long over his eye on the other. But hey. I’m not in a position to judge weird hair.
Su-Lin moves to hug him, but keeps tight hold of my hand—god, how nervous is she that I’m going to bail?—so she’s limited to a side-hug. “Grandma keeps asking where your brother is,” she tells him.
Tate rolls his eyes but grins. “I know. I just danced with her, and Derek was all she could talk about. He’s always been the favorite.Though she mentioned seeing you onEllen, too, so it looks like you’re gaining ground.”
