“Hey,” I say in her ear.
“Hey,” she says back.
I’m surprised to find her as breathless as I am.
Now we’re the ones about to start grinding on each other.
“Left foot green!” Jane shouts, and as I try to slide it over, Su-Lin gives a little gasp beneath me. I feel lightheaded—just for a second, but it’s enough. I lose my balance, rolling to the side to avoid Su-Lin, and take out one of Jason’s arms, causing him to fall on top of Emily. Emily screams, and I think she may have been crushed by the falling giant, but then both she and Jason are laughing. Su-Lin fell over as well—probably I took her out with a flailing limb as I tried to keep my balance—and we all sit on the mat and look at Maren.
“Maren is the winner!” Jane announces. “Want to go again?”
“I’m good!” I say, in tandem with Su-Lin. I’m more interested in sitting down somewhere I can cross my legs and put an arm across my lap and not advertise to the entire room that I have a hard-on for my best friend who I am definitely not supposed to be dating tonight. I pour myself a cherry vodka and wedge myself into a corner, which still isn’t as far out of the way as I’d like to be.
The room is hot. Roasting, in fact, and I’m pretty sure my face is hardcore flushed. Su-Lin is across the room talking toTate and Emily, and from the way she’s gripping Emily’s arm, I think she might have dragged her there, which I’m sorry I missed. But the room seems smaller now than it did before, and a new group of people just arrived and theTwister board is covered in talking people again. Someone whoops loudly, and all the chatter is turning to static, and I’m wondering if we have enough oxygen in this room because I’m pretty sure I can’t breathe.
Shit.
This is about the time I would bow out and escape back to my room for an hour, but thisismy room. I didn’t think about that when I agreed to the room party, but now I see that was a huge oversight. I can go out in the hall, but there are people milling around out there, too.This entire hotel is teeming with fans and professionals, many of whom might recognize me from the events we’ve been doing, and all of whom will assume I’m here to socialize.
Because I’m at a damn convention, and a normal person would be.
My chest is starting to develop an ache that is angling toward swimmer’s cramp, and my head goes light again.The room spins.
I have to get out of here.
Stumbling toward the door while trying not to bump into or make eye contact with anyone is far more difficult than I would like, especially when I can’t breathe or see straight. Su-Lin shoots me a worried glance, but I wave for her to stay—it’s her party, after all, and our room, so we can’tbothleave.
I finally reach the door and stride out into the hall at top speed, past several more room parties on the con block and toward the elevator.
Thankfully there’s nobody in it. I collapse into the corner and try to catch my breath.The elevator is small and enclosed, but I’m alone, and I find myself hoping it gets stuck between floors. Just for an hour, maybe two.
Just long enough for me to feel like I can stand to see people again without passing out.
Nine
Su-Lin
I’m all flushed fromTwister, which didn’t go at all how I intended—none of this party has gone how I intended—when I see Brendan flee the room, sweat beading on his forehead. He catches my eye and waves at me to stay, but I recognize that look on his face. He’s about to have a full-blown panic attack.
I want to follow him, to make sure he’s all right. But Emily’s clutching my arm now, leaning in by my ear. In a vodka-scented voice I think she means to be a whisper but is in fact much louder, she says, “Do you think Jason’s into that Jane girl?”
I flinch, butTate doesn’t seem to have heard. He’s focused on his phone, glaring at it and muttering about how “all anyone wants anymore is this John Williams knock-off tympani shit.” I glance over to where Jason is laughing with Maren, the one who was supposed to be twisted with Brendan instead of me.
Maybe I pushed the wholeTwister thing a bit much, trying to prove to both Brendan and myself how much faith I have in the Plan.
But none of that felt particularly good, at least until it was him and I all twisted together—and then it feltwaytoo good to be doing in public.
Is that what triggered this attack? Did he notice how into that I was, how I could barely breathe with him pressed against me?
Stop. Focus.
“I don’t know if he’s into her,” I say to Emily, though my eyes keep drifting back to the door where Brendan left. “Jason flirts with everyone. I told you he’s a player.”
Emily frowns, but brightens whenTate comes over and slings his arm around her. “Hey, you want to listen to the sample I’m sending the doc people?”
I have no idea what he’s talking about—is he doing sound for a documentary? A medical show? Something nautical? Whatever. Emily is eagerly sharing ear buds with him and hopefully forgetting herTwister grind session with Jason.
Mygrind session, however, is still making me very inconveniently achy. And guilty.
