“The way you felt with her . . . Do you ever feel like that with me?” she asks.
My heart stops. Sheisworried I’m going to be like that with her. “No!” I say. “I mean, it’s different, you know? You’re like this bright beam of light that illuminates everything. And with Candace . . . it was like I was in a never-ending race, like a greyhound after a lure, chasing this high, thiszing, that I could never permanently catch.”
Her voice is still quiet. “What exactly were you chasing? Was the sex that good?”
I shake my head. Sex with Candace had some very high highs and some very low lows, and was inextricably mixed up in how bad we were together. “It wasn’t sex. I think—I think it was security. I think I was running away from the idea that I’d always be alone.”
Su-Lin’s forehead crinkles. She pities me, which is probably deserved, but not at all how I want her to feel. It’s not her fault, though. She can’t help that I’m pathetic. She lays her head on my shoulder, and we sit there for a while in silence.
And I can’t help but think that any date she finds at the con will be a whole lot more fun for her than this.
Five
Su-Lin
The thumping beat from the convention center hall makes the floor tremble as we approach. It’s the night after our date, and we’re going to the YouProm, the evening kick-off event that always starts YouCon. Some people dress in proper prom attire and some in geek-themed prom wear. Some of the younger set aren’t even old enough to have been to their high school proms yet, but everyone always has fun.
I grin over at Brendan as we watch crowds of people swirl by us to enter. “You ready for this?”
“I have a feeling this is nothing like the prom I went to in high school,” he says, fidgeting with the sleeve of his suit coat. “For one, I wasn’t trying to pick up a dateatthe prom.” He smiles over at me, which normally makes me all the fluttery, but there’s a little twist in my stomach.
Of course he wasn’t, because he was with Candace. She was his actual date and his girlfriend. Words plucked from our conversation at the restaurant echo in my head.Really intense. Passion.
I shouldn’t be jealous. Probably I wouldn’t be, if I could be his date tonight. If I could walk in holding his hand and spend the night dancing with him and kissing him and going back to our hotel room and—
Well, okay. We still wouldn’t be doing everything that he and Candace did on their prom night. We’d still be just casual. But it would be something.
Better than something. Amazing.
Like our date last night, which was easily the best date of my life. Getting to be all romantic at the fondue place, then afterward going to this old nickel arcade where we played Skee-Ball and trash-talked each other through bouts ofStreet Fighter,even though neither of us actually knows how to do more than mash buttons.Then making out back in our room, curled up in each other’s arms.
That’s why we’re doing this, going into prom and finding other people to dance with and possibly have dates with this week. So we can have last night and more.
I wonder, though, if that “more” will ever be asreally intensefor him as it would be for me.
“I don’t know,” I say, keeping my voice light. “There’ll be people dancing really poorly and sneaking in alcohol and trying desperately to get laid. Sounds like prom to me, just on a bigger scale.”
Surprisingly, given my high school experience, I did actually go to prom. My date was Eddie Yang, the super-cute younger brother of one of Mei-Ling’s best friends, who went to a different school. Not surprisingly, everyone thought he was my cousin, which was probably less motivated by racism and more motivated by my peers’ judgment of my dating prowess.
I was totally embarrassed, but that didn’t stop me from letting Eddie get to second base in the backseat of the FordTaurus he borrowed from his mom for the night.
Brendan laughs. “Okay, yeah.”Then his expression softens. “You look so beautiful.”
He might be overreaching a bit—I’m wearing a strapless black-and-white dress with a short skirt in layers of puffy tulle, lacy black fingerless gloves, and of course my signature black and white Converse sneakers I wear every day (that is not my sister’s wedding). While it’s a cute, fun look, beautiful is probably stretching it. But damn if I don’t love hearing him say that. Not to mention the way he says it—all soft and sincere, like me in a cast-off from the eighties Madonna collection is something truly special.
That fluttery feeling is back, big time. I wish I could kiss him right here. And right there. And down there. And—
I pull my thoughts away from my best friend naked. Again. “Well, I’ve already told you how hot you are in that suit. It’s even hotter now I know it’s part stripper costume.”
He smiles, and his cheeks have a pink flush to them. He opens his mouth to say something, but I hear a shout from someone standing by the exhibit hall doors. “Thereyou guys are! I’ve been looking everywhere for you—get in here!”
It’s Emily, grinning broadly as she waves for us to join her. She’s in a slinky red dress that looks less prom-ready and more perfect for a trendy club. It looks incredible on her. I also know it’s not the dress she originally planned on wearing.
I smile, because I have a pretty good idea why she changed.
“So,” I say, having to shout over the music getting louder the closer we get to the doors. “Things withTate went well today?”
I saw them at the booth together when I checked in after Brendan and I went to a few panels—just as audience members. Our programming doesn’t start until tomorrow.
