“Yes, miss. Of course.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Out in the brisk morning air, dew glistened as far as the eye could see, and the chirping crickets and baby birds awakening to their morning meals stole me away from reality. To hide from the ache in my heart, I focused on the sounds of nature and the sweet-smelling grass as I walked. I allowed my feet to propel me forward off into the distant field, farther and farther, until I was as lost and alone as I felt.
Love was indeed pain. And to love so deeply meant to be susceptible to an equally deep agony. It took my breath away. Just as it had when I’d lost Father. When I’d lost Mama. And now, Peter. To have one more day with Father, I would not hesitate to give away every possession, every ounce of pride. My love for Peter ran even deeper, if it were possible.
So why did I hesitate to risk everything for him? Why did I not believe him when he said he loved me? I did not know Peter’s intention, whether he wished to marry me or not, but I knew my own feelings. I wanted Peter for a lifetime. I ached for him in every moment.
Sunlight peeked over the horizon. The moon still hung in the east, surrounded by only its brightest stars. It was the most beautiful sight. Two worlds colliding at once.
I stood in the middle of misty green pasture, watching the sunrise and torn between a practical arrangement and risking my heart. If I chose my heart, Clara would be furious with me. Hurt, even. But was my happiness not as warranted as hers?
Yellow turned to pink and orange in the blue of the sky, lighting the greens and browns of the earth below. The new day’s first light. I thought of the letter I’d written to David. Mary would surely be sending it at any moment. I was out of time. If I wanted Peter, this was my final chance.
Could I be brave?
My heart beat loudly in my chest and my ears, and I rubbed my eyes to clear them of traitorous tears. I took a deep breath to calm myself.
Was Peter, his love, worth fighting for?
I did not wait for my mind to catch up with my heart. In an instant, I turned and raced back toward the house. To Mary. I needed to stop her from sending that letter, but could I catch her in time? Could I reach Peter, and offer my heart, before it was too late?
A stitch pierced my side, heart beating like a drum. I was so focused on my feet, I did not realize I was not alone until I finally looked up.
A horse drew near with galloping speed. Shadows veiled the man’s face. Whatever news he bore, it was urgent judging by the swiftness of his speed.
Was I imagining things? Could it be—?
Stopping a few paces away, Peter dismounted and dropped his reins. His jacket was undone, and he looked like he hadn’t slept in days.
“What are you doing all the way out here?” he asked in a worried, hesitant voice.
How had he found me here? How did healwaysfind me? I froze, catching my breath and collecting my thoughts. “Did I not say I would watch the sunrise this morning?”
He took a few steps nearer, then stopped as though he’d reached the end of a chain. “My man is loading our carriage.”
Already? Time had truly run out. It was now or never.
Peter frowned. “I needed to see you. To apologize for everything. For the pain I have caused you, and all that Georgiana has done.”
“You have nothing to apologize for, Peter,” I said with a sigh. None of this was his fault.
He dropped his head, lifting his hand to the back of his neck.
“Stop doing that.” I reached around him, tugging his hand away. “You will rub your neck into oblivion.”
A corner of Peter’s mouth lifted slightly, but sadness remained in his eyes. Clearly, he was trying to say goodbye.
What should I say? What if he rejected me? I turned away, facing the start of a new day. I’d hardly noticed the sweet-smelling flowers nestled in the grass surrounding us, their beauty only magnified by the sky transforming overhead. I could not bear it.
Peter’s warmth brushed my back, his hands finding mine. His words were barely above a whisper. “What you said in the garden about our time together ... did you mean it? I do not want to wonder for the rest of my life if you care for me as I care for you.”
Breath stilled in my lungs. My heart stopped before regaining a steady beat. What had Peter just said? I felt him inch closer to me, his chest against my back, like he wanted to be nearer to me but was afraid I might break. My heart, though, had never felt so alive, so free in all my life. I could not stay silent any longer. I did not want to.
“I love you, Peter.” I leaned back into him, feeling his nose against my cheek as he nuzzled into my hair. But just as I turned to face him, he stepped back, the chill morning air filling the empty space between us as he walked back to his steed.
I frowned, speechless, and my heart beat feverishly in my chest. I wanted Peter’s warmth back. I wanted him holding me again. But I was too late. Peter was leaving, and I would never see him again.
