“Organic chemistry,” she says. “This final is going to kill me.”
“I think there’s a line about chemistry somewhere in this song.”
“Is this another lie about Anna-Marie?”
I’ve told Maya the whole sordid story about Shane and his ex, including how bad I feel about continuing to tell this lie about her, even though I’m pretty sure most people suspect the truth.
“No,” I say. “We’ve agreed we need to evolve a little, so theoretically our next album will have a different theme.This is just a single, though.There’s a bunch of artists putting together an album to benefit GLAAD, and this one is our contribution. Or it will be, if we can get it sounding halfway decent.”The lyrics are good—the song is about not being able to choose who you love, so it works on multiple levels, and I think could become an anthem for anyone who’s ever been in love, gay and straight alike.
“Really? I wouldn’t have pegged you guys as spokespeople for LGBT rights.”
“It was JT’s idea,” I say. “He got us the invite. His sister’s gay, and he wanted to do something to show his support. And since she’s basically like a little sister to all of us—except Lando—of course we were all on board.”
“That’s sweet,” Maya says. “So it’s not just an image thing.”
“Who do you think we are? Alec Andreas?”
Maya grins and shakes her head. She’s bent over her textbook, with her eyebrows pushed together in a cute little V as she pretends to concentrate on it. “Not that you guys couldn’t stand to evolve your image a little. Everyone thinks you’re just a bunch of punks looking to party. And that’s only true ofthreeof you.”
“Well, we’re all a bunch of punks who need to grow up,” I say with a chuckle. “And we probably do need to start evolving that image, or we’re going to flame out. But no, for this project, our motives were pure. I’m still trying to get Shane to pick something a little less vindictive for the theme of our next album. If I succeed at that, we might have a flying chance of not becoming the kind of has-been losers who need to go on a reality show.”
Maya smiles. “You guys are doing great. At least, that’s what the internet seems to think.”
I like that she cares enough to Google me. “Yeah,” I say. “For now. But what about the future?”
Maya doesn’t respond, ostensibly because she’s actually working on her chemistry homework, but that question sits heavy in my chest. It applies to more than just my music career.Things between me and Maya are great now, but what about the future? How long will I be able to stomach just being her friend?
How long is she even going to want that?
The silence stretches on, less comfortable now, though Maya doesn’t seem to notice. I know I should go back to working on the song, but I’m too nervous.Too involved in my own head. Maya is working something out on a piece of paper, and I love the intense way she focuses. We’ve spent hours and hours like this over the last couple months, goofing off, watching movies, her doing homework and me playing guitar. I’d rather be doing this than going to parties or hanging out with the band. Shane is probably right to be worried about me. I love everything about this except for the physical distance between us, except for all the other things I want and know I’m not going to be able to have.
Finally, mostly to break the silence, I say, “You’re still thinking about Alec and Jillian, aren’t you?”
“Yes!” Maya says. “I don’t understand how you can root against them.They’re freaking adorable.”
“I’m not rooting against them,” I say. “I just think Alec needs to clean up his act.”
“Maybe he will,” Maya says, cocking her head as she looks toward herTV, even though the show still hasn’t started. “He really seems sorry.”
“I hope so.”
It would be nice to believe that someone’s love life works out, even if it clearly isn’t going to be mine.
Seven
Maya
It’s snowing out whenTed and I leave the Mexican restaurant. It’s a place we’ve been to on enough dates now that I don’t need to even look at the menu to know what I want. I don’t think it’s either of our favorite restaurant, but it’s conveniently close to both the university and my house, and the food is good enough.
My heeled boots slip a bit on the sidewalk, andTed grips my elbow. “I can bring the car around if you want,” he offers.
“Nah. I need to walk off those pork tamales.” I grin up at him. “Even if it’s only across a treacherous parking lot.”
“Okay, but if you think I’m going to be able to save you, you’re wrong,” he says. “One of us slips, and we’re both ending up on our asses out there in the frozen tundra.”
“The restaurant will send out rescue crews, I’m sure. And maybe more tamales. Come on.” I tug him forward, and he laughs. His cheeks are already bright pink from the cold, and blond hair pokes out haphazardly under his gray beanie.
We make our way to the car slowly, our breath misting out in front of us. Despite the slick parking lot, he opens the door for me first and then goes around the car to get in on his side. I’ve told him about a dozen times that he doesn’t need to do that, especially when it’s the temperature of a blast freezer out. But I do appreciate the gesture.Ted’s a sweet guy, thoughtful; I’ve always liked that about him. It’s part of why I agreed to go out with him in the first place.
