“Hmm,” Leigh says. “He should take lessons from Shane.”
“I don’t think either of them would be into that, from what I saw,” Miranda says.
Leigh glares at her phone. “I didn’t mean it like that. I meant practical lessons. Like, technique.”
“There was definitely a spark,” I say. “Too much, I think. He was so nice and sweet and Ilikedhim. I wanted more than a one-night stand.”
Miranda looks down at the screen so sharply, I think she might have actually turned the car a bit with the motion. “Really,” she says. “Like, you wanted to date him. Like,datedate him.”
I haven’t met anyone I’ve liked so much for a long time. Maybe because I’ve just been too distracted by trying to figure out how I can still get my degree with my chronic fatigue. Maybe because I’ve been too afraid to bring anyone into all this, to expend any energy on a relationship when I need that energy for other things.
Or maybe, a little voice whispers in my mind,you just haven’t met anyone likehim.
“Yeah,” I admit. “But it’s not a thing that’s possible, even if he wanted to. He’s a rock star.”
“So?” Miranda demands. “It sounds like he’s a rock star who’s super into you. Which clearly shows his good taste.”
“Did he say if he wanted to date you?” Leigh asks, her green eyes wide. “Because if he wanted a hookup, there were lots of girls at that party who would have gone for that.”
“Not in so many words,” I say. I remember asking him if that was something he’d want. Part of me—a pathetic, idiotic part—had hoped he would say outright that he did. He’d dodged the question, saying that he came out to Denver a lot. Which could mean he wants to hook up whenever he’s in town.There was some longing there, though, that makes me wonder if that’s really all he wanted. “He didn’t say exactly. I don’t know. But—” I shake my head. “It doesn’t matter anyway. Because there’s no way it could work out. I’m not secure enough to date a rock star, for one thing—I mean, all the groupies just throwing themselves at him, the constant temptation.That would kill me, always wondering, you know?”
This is true. I know it. And maybe I’mgladfor the distance, because if he was a guy who lived in town and wanted to hang out, I think it would be all too easy to forget what a terrible idea it is to get involved with someone who would probably get bored dating a girl who always wants to stay in and half the time doesn’t have a choice. And god knows there would always be plenty of girls ready to convince him he didn’t need to put up with that.
Leigh makes a sympathetic sound, then grudgingly nods. “That would be tough.”
Miranda honks again and swears at another driver, and then frowns back at the phone. “Is it just that?”
I think just that is enough, honestly. But no. “It would have to be a long-distance thing, and that never really works out, does it? I mean, even if he can afford to fly back often, he’s still got a life in LA and on tour, and I can’t really leave here often, with school, and I don’t even know how a lot of travel might set me back, health-wise—”
“You’ve given this a lot of thought,” Miranda observes.
I choose to ignore that. “It’s just not a situation that’s good for building a relationship,” I say firmly. “And I don’t even know if that’s what he wanted, really. I know he would have hooked up, if I was up for it, and he seemed to like having someone to hang out with. He doesn’t seem to be really into partying. Maybe he just gets bored with his bandmates off with girls all the time.”
“So that’s it?” Leigh looks crushed. “You’re never going to see him again?”
“I have his number. But—”
“Oh my god, Maya! Are you telling me you could pick up the phone right now and call Kevin Collins?” Leigh is about a second away from shaking me. “And there’s a real possibility that if you did, he’d want to date you? Or be your boyfriend?”
That seems like a pretty big leap. “It’s not that simple!” I say. “I doubt he’d want that. I was kind of a freak—I lectured the dude about his band’s harem and spent a not-insignificant amount of the night talking about the evolution of found-footage horror movies and how it started well beforeThe Blair Witch Project—”
“Of course you did,” Miranda says with a smile.
“—And he probably never wants to see me again.” As much as I was desperate to tell them all about Kevin, now I’m equally desperate to stop. My stomach has a pit forming in it large enough to fit Frankenfish.
Was I just imagining this whole thing? Was he just bored, like I said, or too tired to head back to the party when he realized I really wasn’t going to sleep with him?
Heseemedhappy to hang out with me. But so much about last night feels unreal, it’s hard for me to sort it all out.
“But you’re going to call him, right?” Leigh asks. “You have to at least do that much.”
I shrug. “I don’t know if I will.”The idea of calling him up and discovering that things have gotten terribly awkward and that he didn’t actually want to hear from me is too terrible. I wonder if I wouldn’t be better off just holding on to my memories of last night. “He has my number, too. He can call me if he wants to.”
“Well, you’d better tell us right away if he does,” Miranda says, and Leigh nods resolutely.
“You know I will,” I say.
I’m pretty sure I won’t be able to help it.
