We switch seats.
I’m next to Crawford… who is sitting across from Winnie.
“…have some land out there. It’s just gorgeous,” Crawford drawls, putting way more Wyoming in his accent than is authentic.
“No, he doesn’t have land.Ihave land, and he camps on my land,” I interject, annoyed at my family.
“I perform free maintenance. City boy.” He shakes his head and gives Winnie a slow smile.
She giggles up at him.
Enjoy your last day on earth, motherfucker.
“You ever been horseback riding, Winnie?” Crawford asks smoothly.
“No, but do you like riding motorcycles?”
“Yeah, but I have a special interest in watching women ride motorcycles. Really does it for me.”
“Ooh, he’s sexyanda feminist.” Her grandmother cackles from the peanut gallery of parents and other extended family.
“Really? Where do you like to ride?” Winnie presses.
“Anywhere…”
“Yes, but where in Seattle specifically? Also, what were you doing in the military? Recon?”
It suddenly dawns on me that she thinks Crawford is the stalker. She’s in love with the stalker, and she hopes it’s Crawford.
When is that fucking bell going to ring?
Ding!
Fucking finally.
“Crawford, move.”
“You.” Winnie gasps.
“Why is this a family event, Creampuff?” I slide into the seat across from her.
“I don’t know,” she hisses back. “Whyisthis a family event? You brought your hot brother.”
“Hot? He’s not hot. He’s barely employed.”
“Women like a fixer-upper. It makes us feel useful.”
“I have unresolved childhood trauma. How’s that for a never-ending relationship project?” I cross my arms.
“Kathy didn’t come. She’s at the café.” Winnie sighs. “Probably tearing up my espresso machine.”
“As someone who employs younger family members, you have my sympathies.”
“How many siblings do you have?”
“Too many. They steal my stuff and eat my food. One of them, unbeknownst to me, moved in and was living there for days before I realized it.”
“Well, there’s no way I’m not noticing my family lives with me.” She wrinkles her nose.
