“Ineed to be an adult,” I say.
“Oh my god, are you going to finally relose your virginity?” asks Carolina.
We are now all piled in my bed.
No, my stalker didn’t leave me any pasta, but Dad did make his famous crab dip. And some rando in the lobby gave Kathy a bottle of white because apparently when you’re an ex-model, people just hand you things you didn’t even ask for.
“I need to put aside all the childhood issues I’m projecting onto Fitz and just ask Fitz to date Kathy,” I whisper to Carolina as I scoop up more dip. “He’s clearly into her.”
“Is he? He practically had his tongue down your top.” Carolina giigles drunkenly. “He wants to fuck you.”
“Yeah, but he wants to date Kathy. She fits into his world.”
“You just inked a big deal with one of those baby-faced wannabe developers. You guys are a little more—” She laces her fingers together. “Synchronous.”
“No, we aren’t.” I stuff crab dip in my mouth. “We’re not fated lovers or whatever.” I spill some of the wine while pouring it into my glass. “This is the real world. Guys like him don’t fall in love with girls like me. They fall in love with girls like Kathy. And if I want my house and my life back, I need to make sure they end up together.”
My familyand friends are arguing.
“The way to a man’s heart is his stomach.”
“No, it’s not. It’s through his dick.”
“That many pastries is a way to a man’s heart attack.”
Gritting my teeth, I ignore them as I pile a pink-and-black Brew & Browse box with savory-and-sweet pastries.
“Winnie, you can’t do this. I think he likes you,” Kathy cries. “You should take these as an apology present and tell him you are interested and you’re sorry that you didn’t get to have messy, paper-ruining sexy times in his office.”
“I’m doing this for you, Kathy.”
“You don’t have to give up the love of your life for me.” She starts crying. Olive completely leaves the coffee order she’s supposed to be making to come comfort Kathy.
“Stop being so dramatic—Olive, you can’t just leave that milk container sitting there. You need to hold it while the milk—”
Pffftttsss!
“Oops! I’ll clean it up,” Olive calls.
“He asked you out on a date, for God’s sake. He was about to fuck you in his office,” Carolina complains as she grabs a rag.
“No, he wasn’t. He was just venting,” I tell them as I tie a bow around the box.
I am suddenly exhausted, not wanting to go round and round in that circular argument with my sister about how, no, the way she lives life is not the same as us normal people. We don’t have billionaires and star hockey players falling all over themselves to get with us.
“Now, Kathy.” I turn to my sister. “I’m going to try to get him to agree to a date in the next few days. So you’re going to need to woman the fuck up, okay? No bailing.”
“I’ll have to see how my social battery is feeling.” My sister clasps her hands.
“No, you need to run an extension cord to the crack house across the street and keep it moving,” I tell her. “This is your chance at happiness, at a good life, at separate housing facilities for our parents. You can be sweet and charming. Carolina, help?”
“Protein,” my friend says. “You need to eat protein. We’ll do a detox.”
“Do whatever you need to do to make Fitz love you.”
“Now this”—Fitzleans back in his chair—“is more like it.”
I grind my teeth.We need him…
