“Well, he looks like a troll.”
“Okay, he carries a little extra weight.”
“No, an internet troll.” Carolina makes a face. “Kathy just got out of an icky relationship. You really want to saddle her with this guy?”
“I’m looking forasolution, nottheperfectsolution. Ugh, where is Kathy?”
The line rings and rings. Kathy doesn’t answer. “Voicemail box is full” comes the automatic recording.
“Maybe your stalker got her,” Carolina jokes.
My heart sinks. “Oh my god, you’re right. He was in my bedroom last night.”
“You saw him?” Carolina grabs me.
“Well, I think he was there. I felt he was there.”
“Could it be your heightened anxiety from living with your parents?”
I think about the way it felt like I was being watched, studied. “But all my stuff was there. He didn’t take anything. And maybe I did just leave the French doors unlocked.”
Carolina blanches. “OMG, you said he wasn’t dangerous. Should we call the police? I knew I shouldn’t have believed you, but you were using your ‘I’m an all-knowing boss babe private equity analyst’ voice.”
“He might not have been there for me. Kathy’s living in my bedroom. Maybe he was there for her.” I feel sick. “He saw her. He watches my house, and he saw her and he fell in love with her and decided he wants the pretty sister. He only left one note, and”—I gulp—“I think it might have been for Kathy. It was”—my voice drops—”sexual in nature.”
“You should have told me,” Carolina hisses.
“I knew you’d read into it.”
“I am reading into it. I’m reading all the true crime books into this. This is officially dangerous creepy, not cute creepy.”
“I bet he’s already lost interest in me. He hasn’t left me any other notes or flowers. Not even takeout in the fridge. He’s ghosted me. I’m not good enough for him.” My head drops. I’m hyperventilating.
“Wow. We’re really going to tie our sense of self-worth to a creepy man we haven’t even met? Also, I thought we agreed that it was because your dad stays up until two a.m. and your mom gets up at like five a.m., so there’s a very small window of time this strange man could break into your house.”
“I bet he’s leaving Kathy notes and treats that he used to leave me.” I fan myself. “Gosh, I don’t know why I’m so emotionally invested in this stranger.”
“Probably because you’re in what should be your slut era, but you’re instead home alone, rotting and decaying inyour bedroom and watching the years pass you by while everyone else your age hits their life milestones on time and under budget.”
“Oh my god.” I double over. “I feel lightheaded. I’m wasting my life. I’m never going to get married.”
“Maybe one of those online weirdos you’ve been investing a lot of emotional energy in on behalf of your sister will fall in love with you. Or you could go after the man who has actually shown interest? Just a thought.”
“It’s not fair that she gets to be the pretty sister and she gets all the guys. Even my stalker.”
“Wow. We really are having a full-on mental breakdown, and here it is not even five p.m.”
“I’m not the sister who always has a boyfriend. I’m the boring sister, the smart sister.”
“To be fair, how smart are you if your family is living rent-free in your house?”
My phone dings.
“Kathy?” Carolina asks.
“No, it’s my date. Well, Kathy’s date. He’s parking.”
“Er, well, he’s about to be your date.”
