She’s stiff in front of me, clearly not amused, but hell, I am. Together, we suck up the dust from the floor, me leaning into her like I’m Patrick Fucking Swayze inGhost, making pottery with Demi Moore. Cue the music!
“Theo?”
“Yes,” I say, snuggling in closer, trying not to sway to the soundtrack in my head.
“Do you know how to use a vacuum?”
“Technically, if you’re wondering if I lied to you, the answer is no, I’ve never used one before, but have I seen Mrs. Doubtfire use one like the sassy marm that she is? Yes.”
“So was this whole situation that we’re in right now a setup to be able to put your arms around me?”
“Hmm, that’s a great question,” I say as we remain where we are, touching as we both hold the vacuum.
“Do you care to answer it?”
“Not really,” I answer. “But thank you for asking.”
“Theo!” she yells, startling me off her.
“Jesus.” I clutch my chest. “That scared me.”
She turns toward me, arms crossed, vacuum hose now on the ground.
“What did we talk about?”
“I don’t know, there were so many things we discussed. Can’t keep track of it all. Perhaps you can offer a reminder?”
“I said there will be no flirting.”
Aww, she thought that was flirting. Cute.
“That technically wasn’t flirting, that was making a move. And according to the contract, making a move and touching were not on the list of rules. But because I’m an upstanding man, and you tell me you didn’t enjoy it?—”
“I didn’t enjoy it.”
“Now, you see, I feel like that’s not entirely true.” I hold up my hands. “Not that I’m trying to tell you how you feel, because you are your own person, but since I had my arms around you, I felt how your skin heated, became a touch moist.”
Her eyes widen again and her hands fall to the side. “I was not moist. You can’t even tell if…if I was moist.”
Oh…shit, she thinks I mean moist down there.
Well, I mean, if she was, that would be a plus for me. I wouldn’t mind knowing that I could get her—winces—moist.
“Not that kind of moist,” I say. “Like, upper-lip moist.” I pause for a second and say, “And when I say upper lip, I mean?—”
“I know what you mean.”
“Are you sure? Because I just want to clarify. I’m not talking about your down below, which is a weird term to use. I wouldn’t normally say ‘down below.’ I’d actually say ‘pussy,’ but I feel like you’re not into the word ‘pussy.’ Unless you are…are you?”
“Jesus…Christ,” she says, walking away and going back to her vacuum before turning it on.
“So, I’m going to take that as a no on the pussy talk?” When she doesn’t answer, I give her a thumbs-up. “Great. Good to know.”
“Fuck…me,” I groan as I let out a deep breath, all my muscles relaxing at the same time. “Oh, fuck me, fuck me, fuck me.”
“Are you trying to get me to do just that?” Renley asks as she lies down next to me on the freshly vacuumed floors.
“No, I wouldn’t have an exceptionally good showing if you fucked me right now. I’d be worthless, a quarter of the man I usually am.” I groan again. “My back is dead. It has died and doesn’t exist anymore. I’m a noodle human and will need a two-by-four to help stand me up now.”
