Theo:You say something.
Rupert:If I say something then it’s going to be something stupid.
Theo:Tell me what it is and I’ll let you know whether it’s stupid or not.
Rupert:The first thing that came to mind was leotards.
Theo:Why the fuck would you say that?
Rupert:I don’t know, like I said, it was the first thing that came to mind.
Theo:Don’t fucking say that. Makes you look like a pervert.
Rupert:How so?
Theo:Women wear leotards, so it’s just a weird thing to say.
Rupert:I was thinking about wrestling leotards.
Theo:Those are singlets.
Rupert:Are you sure?
Theo:Yes! Also why the hell are you thinking about those?
Rupert:Like I said *in a controlled but stern voice* the silence is eating away at me, my brain cells are diffusing. Soon, I’ll be nothing but a puddle on the footbed of this vehicle. Death by Camry silence. I’m unwell…hold me.
He moves his hand closer to me and I swat it away.
Theo:Get the hell out of here.
“What are you two tea guzzlers whispering about back there?” Kitty says, startling the both of us.
“We’re…we’re not whispering,” I say.
“Through text you are. I can hear your phones buzzing and your fingers tapping away on the screen. So what are you saying?”
Rupert and I exchange glances, me attempting to tell him to keep his mouth shut?—
“The silence is deafening,” he says, breaking under pressure. “Why is no one talking? We’re adults. We can have conversation. For the love of God, someone say something!”
The car falls silent for a moment, Renley’s eyes catching mine in the rearview mirror, Rupert practically shaking in his seat, only for Kitty to turn toward us and say to Rupert, “Has anyone ever told you, you look just like Joe Alwyn?”
Gasp.
“Shhhhhhh,” Rupert says in a panic. “By God, woman, do you wantthe Swifties to rise from the ground and choke me with a cardigan?”
“They can’t hear me,” Kitty says.
“Oh…they can always hear you.” He looks around psychotically. Whispering, he says, “They can hear it all.”
“Speaking of Taylor Swift,” I say, wanting to end Rupert’s mental lapse. “Do you have a favorite Taylor Swift song?”
There, a question. Conversation.
“Where do I begin?” Kitty answers. “And how could I ever pick one? This is one of those questions that only exists to send people to an early grave. There are so many eras, so many different tones and voices and…No, I won’t do it. You’re a sadist and I will not partake in answering your hellish question.”
Jesus.
