Renley:Did you tell him what we just did?
Theo:No. He asked how my night was, and I told him good, but kept it at that. Wasn’t sure how you’d feel about me telling him more…although I did tell him about the dry-wet humping because I was far too excited about ejaculating in my shorts—which he cleaned for me, because you know, the butler thing.
Theo:^^^ also, did you notice I said ejaculate again?
Renley:Yes, I have eyes, Theo. Also, thanks. I mean, you could tell him if you want. Not sure what I’m going to tell Aunt Kitty yet.
Theo:Why? Don’t you think she’d be happy?
Renley:She would, she’d be over the moon and I just…I don’t think I want to deal with it right now. She’s going to try to turn it into something bigger than it is.
Theo:What do you mean by that? Because correct me if I’m wrong, but it was pretty big.
Renley:Are you talking about your penis?
Theo:I wasn’t, but thanks for the compliment.
Renley:Why do I have this vision of you in your bed, shirtless, just smirking your damn face off because you keep coming up with comeback after comeback, and you’re so pleased with yourself?
Theo:Your vision would be correct.
Renley:Of course it is.
Theo:In all seriousness, why are you afraid she’s going to make it bigger than it is?
Renley:Because she will and we don’t really know what’s going on. I don’t want that added pressure, you know, since this is probably just a summer fling.
The minute I send the text, I wince, because I don’t know whether that’s where he stands or not, but I also don’t want him to think I’m too clingy or that I think this is the start of a relationship or…ugh, I don’t know. The mind games—even though I know he’s not playing them—are hard. I think society puts so much pressure on what it means to date someone, or to hang out with someone, or to just have sex with someone. There are rules for all the different scenarios, and I don’t know how to handle them.
Theo:Just a summer fling, huh? Not sure how I feel about that, Renley.
My heart skips a beat, my anxiety starting to ripple through me.
Theo:Because tonight felt like more to me than just a fling. Tell me if you felt something different though, because I don’t want to push if you see this as a drop in the water.
A drop in the water. Do I feel like this is a drop in the water?
After the way he was able to control me, own me, possess me…that doesn’t feel like a drop in the bucket—that feels like a genuine connection.
But to say that? I’m not good at expressing my thoughts and feelings, hence why I’ve always just gone with the flow, especially with my dad and aunt.
But maybe this could be the start of something new for me, where I gain some courage and ask for what I want.
Renley:It doesn’t feel like a drop in the bucket for me.
Theo:Better not. There’s so much more to this than what people might consider a summer fling. I feel this sort of indescribable energy pass through me when I’m near you.
Renley:I feel it too.
Theo:You feel it enough that you’re not going to run away from me or push me away tomorrow because we took a step toward something more intimate between us?
Renley:I won’t.
Theo:Promise?
Renley:I promise. After tonight, I don’t think my body would allow me to stay away from you.
Theo:Those are the exact words I wanted to hear. But can I get it in writing, please? I can have Rupert notarize it.
