Renley:I don’t want to get hurt.
Tilly:Who’s to say that he will hurt you?
Renley:This entire situation has been formed to hurt me. Sending me some hot, British piece of man meat who is funny, and kind, and actually cares about me, and is persistent and intriguing and cares about what I do and my success. Giving him a timeline…it’s cruel.
Tilly:But did he say he’s following through with that timeline?
Renley:We don’t talk about it. And to be honest, I don’t think he knows what he’s doing.
Tilly:You don’t either.
Renley:Which is a recipe for disaster. I’ve seen that scenario play out far too many times with my dad and aunt. They just go into a situation, unsure, flying by the seat of their pants; it’s never worked out.
Tilly:But you’re not them.
Renley:Because I tend to stay away from the unknown. I’ve learned from their mistakes.
Tilly:Your dad was also never with anyone else. And your aunt Kitty is alone, with no direction. Don’t you think that ifthey had a counterpart, someone to help keep them grounded, that they might have had better lives?
Renley:I don’t need Theo as a keeper.
Tilly:No, you need him for the opposite. You’re so locked in, so concentrated on not repeating the Gossage mistakes, that you’re not allowing yourself to explore, have fun…let your nipple be touched in a pond.
Renley:But I did let that happen.
Tilly:And you need more of it. Tell me this, how did it feel?
Renley:Like I was losing control in the best way possible. Which is why I pulled away and ditched him. God, I hope he made it back to his house safely.
Tilly:Why don’t you ask him?
Renley:I’m too nervous.
Tilly:Then I can’t help you. This is on you, Renley. You know where I stand. Now it’s up to you to see whether you want to make the move or not.
I rest my head against the wall where I’m propped up on my bed. When I got back from the pond, I took a shower, lotioned my entire body, and then slipped into a tank top and pajama shorts. I sat on my bed, thinking, mulling, and thinking some more, and that’s when I texted Tilly, my mind racing too much.
And I want to complain and say she didn’t help me, but I know, deep down, that like she said, no one can really help me with this. It’s all on me.
I look out my window, toward Theo’s house, where the lights are still on. What is he doing over there? Did he make it back okay? Is Rupert wondering where he is?
I pull on my bottom lip, guilt consuming me from ditching him. I know my way around the woods with ease, but he doesn’t. He could have gotten lost. Gone in the wrong direction. Tripped and fallen and suffered a broken leg. He could be out thereright now, calling for help while Rupert roams around the house aimlessly trying to find him.
And I know that’s ridiculous, but because that guilt consumes me, I find myself texting him.
Renley:Please tell me you made it back to your place okay. Also, I’m sorry for ditching you like that.
When I’m done texting, I set my phone to the side, dragging my hands over my face. Ugh, why am I doing this to myself? And what do I really want?
My body knows exactly what I want, even my brain does, but it’s the wall around my heart that’s controlling the narrative right now.
My phone buzzes next to me and I quickly pick it up, reading his text.
Theo:Glad you asked. After I used my dick as a pole vault to launch myself out of the pond, I army-crawled my way back to the house. When I arrived, I collapsed through the door, leaves and branches sticking out of my hair, mud strewn across my face. Rupert thought I had just come back from a jungle raid and like the good butler that he is, he bathed me—sponge and all—dried me and took me to my chambers, where I’ve been resting my worn and weathered body ever since.
I chuckle reading his words.
He knows how to put me at ease.
