Growing even more serious, he sits up. “I followed you here not because you ‘forced’ me, but for a few reasons. Because we’ve been stagnant in our day-to-day. Because I wanted to spend more time with you other than drinking in your cottage. Because I’ve noticed your lack of enthusiasm for life. You’ve grown so…numb and it’s worried me. Coming here, I told myself I’d protect you and not let you do anything stupid, but…instead of doing something stupid, I’ve seen you step away from the fog that’s been clouding you. I’ve seen you smile, have fun, and enjoy someone who is showing you a different way of life.”
I nod, my mind drifting to Renley and how I’ve found joy in being around her. How even though this town is full of a bunch of stuck-up arseholes, I still like it. I like this house. I like that I go on walks in the morning with a beautiful girl. I like that life feels more simple, less stressful, that I can be whoever the fuck I want to be when I’m here. If I want to spend an evening vacuuming floors, I can do that and have a good time doing it.
“Theo.” I glance over at Rupert. “You and I both know that you don’t have to follow in your father’s footsteps. Setting asideduty and obligation, we know that if you were brave enough, you could walk away. It would mean denying a purpose in your life and losing contact with your father, because he’d disown you. It would mean not receiving your entire trust fund, but even getting half of it would situate you for life. It would mean having to start over, from scratch, somewhere else. But it also would mean earning the freedom you’ve always dreamed of, that has been taken away from you.”
I drag my hand over my mouth, the consequences of such a decision weighing heavily on my chest. I’ve only ever known what’s to be expected of me. I’ve been trained for it. So dismissing that notion is terrifying. Not to mention, the thought of leaving my whole family behind is frightening. I might not get along with my father, or my mother for that matter, but losing them forever? Is that something I’m ready for? There’s always a piece of me in the back of my head that has thought maybe one day my father could look at me and be proud. But that would require me to do everything he wants.
Take the title.
Marry the girl he wants me to marry.
And zone out, go through the motions, and never experience life the way that I am right now.
The thought of it actually makes me sick.
Everything about this makes me sick. The decision between choosing duty and service to my family and choosing the need for freedom, the urge to run and scream and do whatever the hell I want…
“You don’t have to decide now, but when you go to meet Renley later, think about how it feels to be around her. How it feels to have someone offer you something so far out of your comfort zone. Don’t settle for what’s familiar when unfamiliarity can offer you so much more.”
He pats my leg and gets up, stretching his arms over his head. “I’m going to have a shower. I have a set of interviews I want to conduct with Kitty and I need to be camera ready. Catch you later.”
He shuts the door behind him and I sink deeper into my bed.
Hell, he’s right. Everything he said is so fucking right, but that doesn’t make it any less terrifying. I’d be giving up everything I’ve known about my life and what I’m supposed to be.
I stare at the handwritten rules.
But I could be giving it up for something so much more.
Chapter Thirty
RENLEY
I’m on the bathroom floor, staring at the vanity I want to replace, but not ever making a move to do so because the only thing running through my mind right now is Theo and the rules.
Did I do the right thing?
Say the right thing?
I know I said I want to be friends and that’s probably not what he wants, but then again, I can’t do what he wants. Yet I don’t want him to leave either. I don’t want to admit it, but I like having him around. He might annoy me, and pester me, but I also enjoy his company at times.
Ugh, this is so messed up. This entire situation.
That doesn’t matter.
Focus on the vanity.
Okay, how do I want to do this?
I turned off the water, right?
Yeah, that was the first thing I did when I arrived. But did I turn it off? Or did I just stare at the valve like I’m staring at this freaking vanity?
The back door opens, and I hear Theo call out, “Gossy, where are you?”
A smile tips up the corners of my lips.I love that stupid nickname. Not that I’ll ever tell him that.
“Bathroom,” I say.
