“What’s that?” I ask as we make our way across the sinking sand.
“I won’t give up my butler. Wherever I go, he goes.”
I chuckle. “I’m assuming you two are living for each other now.”
“Nothing could ever happen to him. I’d be lost.” And then quietly, he asks, “Is that how you felt about your father?”
“Umm…” I consider his words. “Not really, and I know that sounds really shitty, but he wasn’t the kind of dad where he dropped everything to be there for you. I have great memories with him, but he also…he lied a lot. He said he was off doingthese big, amazing things like working for the FBI, or carting around important artifacts, or helping feed the homeless, when in reality, he was just losing job after job, picking up odd ends and scouring the beach for his next big find. He wasn’t super reliable. It’s one of the reasons I became so good at fixing things up. He wasn’t there to fix up the house, so I taught myself and I took care of the house while he was gone.”
“Oh…shit, I didn’t know. I just assumed?—”
“Yeah, I know. I’d assume the same thing. I think I just try to hold on to those good feelings, the positive memories, because if I don’t, then I’ll become bitter, and I don’t want to be bitter. I lost my dad and I want to remember him for the man that would make me smile at the candy shop, not the man getting mocked because he was determined to strike it rich on the beach.”
“That’s a pretty strong outlook and position you’ve taken.”
“It’s the only one I can take, to keep moving forward.”
“I get it.” He squeezes my hand. “You’re so strong, Renley.”
“I think the humble response would be, no, I’m not. But I know that’s not the truth. I wouldn’t be where I am right now if I wasn’t strong.”
“If only I had half your strength. I’d tell my father to fuck off and I’d go do something that I really wanted to do.”
“Isn’t that what you’re doing right now? Or is your intention to mess around this summer and just go back to the old life you came from? If so, what are you doing taking me out to an expensive dinner, holding my hand, and walking along the beach under the moonlight with me?”
Because seriously, what are we doing?
What am I doing?
Stupidly allowing myself to open up to someone who is probably going to take off at the end of the summer. That’s what I’m doing.
“Honestly, I really don’t know what the hell I’m doing,” he answers, which reaffirms my thoughts from earlier. I can’t get mixed up with this. With him.
It might be fun.
He might be charming.
But at the end of the day, he leads a different life than I do; he doesn’t know what he wants and I do.
I want to prove my worth.
Stopping, he turns me toward him. His gaze screams genuine, devoid of all mirth as he says, “What I do know is that this is the first time in a long time where I actually feel content, and I know it has to do with you.”
Oh God.
That’s…that’s not what I wanted to hear. Because in the back of my mind, a small piece, and I mean a very small piece, seems to possibly agree with that statement.
I shake my head. “No, don’t say things like that, you know it’s not true.”
“It is,” he says, taking a step closer.
I release his hand and press my palm to his chest. “Theo, please…I can’t do this when I know it’s not real.”
“Are you saying I’m lying to you?”
“I’m saying that this is all fun and games, but when summer comes to an end, you’ll go one way and I’ll go another, so please don’t say words that will make this more complicated than it already is.”
“I’m not trying to make it complicated.”
