Rule Number Three: Theo is not allowed to flirt with Renley.
(I think we have to eliminate this or change it to “Renley is semi-allowed to flirt with Theo” because, Gossy, you’ve been out of control. And I don’t mind the flirting, but only within reason. We have to keep it platonic.)
Rule Number Three, Subsection a: No winking.
(Suggestion: strike this. Up to you though, sometimes it seems like you enjoy the wink. You might love it if I were able to do it more.)
Rule Number Four: Theo is not allowed to propose to Renley.
(Blek, gross. I don’t want to propose at all, but let’s keep this as a stark reminder of just how gross we both think it is. *Throws up*)
Rule Number Five: Renley is to teach Theo how to be a real boy.
(You stole my floor-vacuuming virginity last night. I hope that you continue to do the same thing.)
Rule Number Six: Renley is not allowed to date anyone during the summer.
(This should be rule number one in my opinion.)
Rule Number Seven: Theo is allowed to pursue Renley but can’t get mad when Renley ignores all advances and doesn’t even bat an eyelash when he makes his best move because she doesn’t have the time or mental capacity for a relationship or internet fiancé.
(Seemed like you had the mental capacity last night, but then again, maybe it was the homemade wine.)
Please tell me your thoughts on the matter. Greatly appreciated.
Your favorite British non-fiancé, Theodore
I set the letter down and stare at the oven, my mind racing, my stupid lips pulling up in a grin.
Ugh, why does he have this effect on me?
Why is it so easy for him to do it?
It’s annoying.
This whole thing is annoying.
And yet, I want to write him back.
So I grab the letter and go up to my room, where I lie on my stomach on my bed, grab a pen and a notebook from my nightstand, and start writing him back.
Dear Theo,
It’s so weird. I’m remembering details from last night a little differently, as well as the person who seems to bebreaking the rules set forth by both of us. Please refer to the adjusted rules down below.
Rule Number One: Theo is not allowed to buy Renley and Kitty’s affection.
(We can keep this. I’m really not into the whole buying someone’s affection for me thing. I’d like to earn it.)
Could not agree more. Buying affection is off the table.
Rule Number Two: Theo is allotted five visitations with Renley each day.
(I propose we move this to infinite visitations because I can sense that you’re getting antsy not seeing me all the time. I get it, I’m enigmatic and playful and tend to be the sunshine in someone’s day, so by all means, let’s make this infinite for you. See how mindful I am, how demure? [Did you get that reference? Please say yes.])
Got the reference. And I believe it’s supposed to be demure, then mindful. That being said, I’m adjusting this to three visits now. Greedy people must be punished.
Rule Number Three: Theo is not allowed to flirt with Renley.
