“Oh my god, you look like you’re walking the Green Mile,” Dawson laughed. He looped a hand behind my neck, bringing my lips to his for a quick kiss. “You don’t have to do this, you know.”
“I didn’t back out last time and I won’t today,” I gulped, staring up at the monstrosity. “You jump, I jump, Jack.”
“That would definitely put a damper on the evening.”
I laughed sarcastically as he pulled me onto the ride behind him. Thank fuck it had enclosed gondolas this time instead of the death-buckets. My hand remained cradled between Dawson’s as the wheel started circling around.
“I’ve been meaning to ask you something…” he began warily.
“Talk about déjà vu…”
“Zip it,” he demanded affectionately. “I wanted to ask how you’d feel about starting therapy.”
I tensed at the suggestion, not expecting it. “You think I should see a therapist?”
“Actually…I thought we should both see one. Separately, of course, but maybe sometimes together?”
“Why would you want to do that?”
“Because you’re not the only one who has to put in the work with us. You know I’ve forgiven you, but there are still things I wrestle with from time to time. None of that is on you, it’s all my own shit, but I refuse to let it become an issue for us.” He put a finger to my mouth when I went to speak, cutting me off gently. “I also want to learn more about your illness and how I can be the best partner for you. I won’t go into this uninformed and blind, letting you figure it all out on your own. I’m in this, whatever it takes.”
My nose stung and I blinked rapidly to clear the stifling emotion that built up. There was no way I was deserving of this man. I wished more than anything that I was normal for him…that I could give him a happy, easy life rather than this never-ending battle.
“Dawson, I—” I cleared my throat, finding it hard to push the words out. “That means more to me than you fucking know, but you shouldn’t have to change your life for me. If I wasn’t so selfish and didn’t love you so goddamn much, I’d let you go find someone better. Someone who doesn’t come with so much baggage.”
Dawson’s face turned stormy and he gripped my chin to hold me in place.
“Don’t youeversay that again,” he growled, each word clipped and firm. “You have already changed my life for the better, in ways I could only dream of. I wouldn’t trade you or change you for any fucking thing on this planet because then you wouldn’t be my Theo. I love you just as you are. There is nothing I won’t face for you. If you start to sink, I’ll pull you back up. I’ll save you, just like that day on the lake. I promise I won’t let you drown.”
“You can’t save me, Mercury,” I whispered, grated and broken. His eyes burned and pierced straight through all my armor to reach me in the void.
“Watch me.”
Then right there, on top of the world, he kissed me. It was a promise and a challenge, a vow that he embedded into my soul. He was my lighthouse and my lifeboat, my guide and my rescue for when the storm inside became too strong.
Chapter 29
Dawson
“No. Absolutely not. Pick something else.”
“Bro, it’s my turn to pick. You don’t get veto power.”
“And I’m telling you I willvetothe TV out the fucking window if you pick it.”
“Uh, I’m like, eighty-five percent sure that’s not how a veto works. Also fuck you, I’m picking it anyway.”
Nate plucked the remote from my hand with a triumphant little sneer and I let out a small growl of annoyance.
“Fine…but only the first one or you don’t get to pick the movies for the rest of the semester.”
“What?!” Nate squawked loudly. “You can’t stop at just one! What kind of emotional blackmail is this?”
“One or none, dude. And I’m like, one hundred percent sure that’s not how blackmail works.”
“And I’m one hundred percent sure I hate you,” Nate grumbled, scrunching his face into an exaggerated pout.
I cracked a smile at the ridiculous expression and shouldered him until he caved and grinned back. That was one of the best things about Nate. He never stayed mad or upset long, always snapping back to his golden retriever setting pretty fast, pouringsunshine into everyone’s lives. It was how he’d gotten through to me when I’d been an angry, heartbroken jackass rolling into freshmen orientation.
