“I told him no.”
“Why?”
Theo glanced at me, every line of his faces calm and sincere.
“He’s not you.”
“But you gave him your number. You hooked up with him, so you clearly liked him, and?—”
“Dawson, I told you. None of that meant anything to me. I have no interest in him like that. And I only gave him my number because he asked if we could be friends and get coffee sometime. He’s a nice guy. I don’t…have a lot of friends anymore. Well, none really except for you and Dani.”
His careful admission made my heart hurt for him. I didn’t want to comfort him with platitudes and say it wasn’t true when he clearly felt otherwise.
“Why do you say that?”
Theo fell silent, picking at the remains of his food while a dozen emotions ran across his face. I itched to reach out and comfort him, so I smoothed my hand over his thigh, squeezing it gently. His chin dropped as he looked at my hand, timidly grasping it and lacing our fingers together.
“I had some pretty good friends at Sam Houston State while I was there. But there were periods where I was on and off my pills, so I was in and out of cycles for a couple years. They knew something was up, just didn’t know what. I finally got the guts to tell them I was bipolar when I got sick of them saying I was actingcrazyall the time.”
His disgust at the word was easy to hear. His reaction to me calling him crazy that night in my bedroom made perfect sense now, and I felt like shit for it.
“You’re not crazy,” I told him firmly.
“They seemed to think so. Everything changed once I told them.”
“How so?”
“I became thedisease,” he croaked. “It was like Theo disappeared and all they saw was my disorder. They blamed it for anything I did. If I laughed too much, I had to be manic. If I was quieter than usual, I was depressed. They became scared of me, of what I’d do if they said the wrong thing or if I had a bad day. To them, I was a tornado without a warning siren. Eventually, they decided I wasn’t worth the trouble and ghosted me. The irony of it all was that I didn’t become truly unstable until I didn’t have them around anymore. I started spiraling out of control and it got me sent back here.”
My body moved without conscious thought, straddling him in one smooth movement. Theo’s eyes bugged out even as his hands gripped at my hips. I cupped one cheek, tracing his jaw gently with my thumb. Theo’s eyes slid closed and he leaned into my palm, flooding my chest with warmth.
“They didn’t deserve you, Theo. You are one of the kindest, funniest, most captivating people I’ve ever met. You have a way of making everyone feel important, like they matter. Life is just better with you around and if they couldn’t see that, then they didn’t fucking deserve you.”
Tears rimmed his lashes and he blinked them away, huffing a dismissive laugh. “Nah, I’m nothing special. I’m a fuck-up, Dawson. I’m good for a few laughs maybe, but I’m still just a fuck-up.”
The self-effacing comment cut through me like a blade, completely unlike the Theo I had known for half my life.
“You arenota fuck-up,” I ground out. “This isn’t you. The boy I fell for was so confident and full of life that he fucking glowed with it. Don’t let this disease or those assholes dim any part of you.”
His expression shuttered, defeat washing over his features.
“I’m not the boy you fell in love with, Dawson. I’m damaged. A ticking time bomb. I’m not the same person I was back then…”
My heart beat a loud confession in my chest, echoing out so strong I was sure he could hear it.
“It doesn’t matter who you came back as. I only needed you to come back to me. I will love each and every version of you I can get, for as many lifetimes as I can get.”
He inhaled sharply, searching my face for any hint of uncertainty. He wouldn’t find any. I knew what I wanted, fears be damned.
“I need you back, Theo,” I whispered, hovering right above his parted lips. “I’m willing to try, no matter what.”
“What changed your mind?”
“Some good advice,” I murmured. “We’ve both been cowards and it’s already cost us so much time. I don’t want to let fear take anything else away from us.”
“Are you sure?”
I nodded slowly, skimming my nose lightly over his and his lids fluttered shut at the touch. His fingertips dug into my hips, shaking hard enough to vibrate into my skin. The air shifted, charged particles sparking and zapping between us, drawing us together.
