“Yeah, I got that,” I cut him off. “And no, I’m not asexual. I like sex and stuff, it’s just only been with Theo. He’s the only one I’ve ever wanted like that.”
“Huh…so have you tried to want it with someone else? Like put yourself out there and see who wants to take a ride on the D-train?”
“Jesus Christ,” I muttered, silently praying for strength. “Look, I don’t know how to explain it, man. It’s like…okay, I got it. I hate Pecan pie.”
“…is that supposed to be code for something?”
“Just shut up and listen. I hate all Pecan pie unless it’s my mom’s homemade pie. It’s the only one I love and will eat, and no other Pecan pie has ever tasted good to me.”
“Wait, say that again.”
“Which part?”
“The pie part.”
“It’s the only pie I love?”
Nate let out an exasperated sigh. “No, say the name of it.”
“Pecan pie?” I repeated slowly.
“That! Dude, why did you say it that way?”
“What way? The right way?”
“No, the dumb as fuck way.”
“What do you mean ‘the dumb as fuck’ way? That’s how you pronounce Pecan pie.”
“Hell no, it’sPee-canpie!” Nate protested indignantly.
“Why would you say it like that?”And why the fuck am I entertaining this crazy-ass conversation?
“It’s the right way, numb nuts!”
“No one in Texas says it like that! You are literally the only one who I’ve heard say it that way.”
“I call bullshit. I can’t be the only one who says it right…and the right fucking way is Pee-can pie!”
“Oh for the love of God, Theo is justitfor me, alright? No one else. Just him. He’s the only one I have ever wanted.”
“Okayyy…so you’ve never been interested in another pie—I mean, guy?”
“I haven’t really been interested in anypersonbesides him. I find other people objectively attractive, but not enough to want anything with them. Others hold no interest for me, sexually or otherwise.”
I sighed tiredly, the weight of a confession I didn’t want to admit sitting heavy on my tongue.
“And almost four years later, after all he’s put me through, I’ve still never felt for any person what I feel for Theo. He was my first and he’s been my only. I’m beginning to think he’ll always be my only.”
“Damn. He’s your pie,” Nate said softly, like it was the most romantic shit he’s ever heard.
“Stupidest fucking analogy I could’ve thought of…”
Nate chuckled before falling quiet, his tone growing serious. “All I want is for you to be happy, D. You’re the best fucking friend in the world and you deserve it. So invite Theo and get your man back.”
I couldn’t go into why that was impossible where Theo and I were concerned, not right then.
“Thanks, Nate. You’re the best fucking friend too.”
