“Wow. You’ll definitely be a first round pick with skills like that.”
I flipped her off, but her sarcastic remark made me cringe internally. I’d been home for almost two weeks now and I had managed to chicken out of every single opportunity to tell Dad the truth. I must have done a piss poor job of keeping a straight face because Dani pounced.
“Wait, what was that look for? What’s up with you? Holy crap, are you injured or something? Dad’s gonna flip out if you’re hurt before the season even starts!”
Her rapid fire comments were like needles poking at the flimsy bubble of silence I’d put around myself to keep it all in.
Poke. Poke. Poke.
“Have you talked to your coach yet? Oh snap, what if he benches you and you miss the first game? I mean, it’ll definitely help my Baylor boys out if you aren’t on the field, but I don’t?—”
POP.
“Oh my god, I am not injured,” I spit out. “I’m quitting!”
Dani’s jaw dropped so fast I half-worried that it would snap clean off. I sank back into the cushions of the sofa, releasing a huge sigh of relief. I hadn’t said that out loud to anyone yet and it felt damn good. Dani gingerly sat down next to me, tense and quiet before patting my leg awkwardly.
“That makes a lot of sense actually.”
“How do you figure?”
Dani cocked her head at me like the answer was obvious. “I mean, even with being King Quarterback all these years, you never really talked about football like it was your future. Like, I never saw you light up talking about it or get all wrapped up in it. Not like you do music. Your piano and your guitar are your escapes, not the sport.”
I chewed on my bottom lip, thinking about her assessment. When I thought about what I wanted in my life, music was indispensable where football wasn’t. If God forbid an injury did take me out this year, I’d be bummed but not devastated. Thinking of keeping up with football after college wasn’t exhilarating, it was exhausting.
“You’re not quitting this year, are you?” Dani asked nervously. “You know Dad would riot if that happened.”
“No, I want to play my final season, but I’m withdrawing my eligibility for the NFL draft.”
“Yikes…when do you plan to tell him?”
“Oh, about four months ago.”
“Ahh, so right on track then.”
“Exactly.”
“Whatareyou planning on telling Dad?”
“Just that football isn’t what I want long term,” I shrugged. “I don’t care about playing professionally. I really want to get involved in the music scene in Austin. I don’t know exactly what yet, but Mom’s got all these contacts to get me started and I’d be willing to work my way up.”
My love and talent for music had all come from my mother. She played dozens of instruments and had been a pianist for the Chicago Philharmonic when she met Dad. Of course, she gave it up to move to Dallas when he’d been traded to the Cowboys. She was now a professor of music at UT, but also heavily involved in the indie music industry in Austin and I wanted to follow in those footsteps.
“You sure you’re good with giving up that pro-football money?” she teased.
“It’s not about the money. Even if I didn’t have my trust fund, I wouldn’t change my mind. I’d rather be happy and living paycheck to paycheck than do something that I’ll end up hating and stressing over.”
“I’ll remember you said that when you’re eating your hundredth cup of ramen and drinking instant coffee.”
I rolled my eyes and planted a hand on her face, shoving her away gently. She laughed and nudged me with her shoulder before pinning me with a serious look.
“You know Dad might be mad at first, but he wants you to be happy. As long as you don’t plan to just play on a street corner with a hurdy-gurdy, he’ll support whatever you decide to do. And so will I.”
“Thanks, gremlin,” I smiled. “But I guess now that you’ve shit on my first plan, I’ve got to move to plan B.”
“Eh, hurdy-gurdying is a dying art anyway. You’ll thank me later,” she replied. “But for real, if you need help telling Dad, let me know. I’ve got your back, big brother.”
I gave her a grateful smile and she hugged me before leaving the room. Would Dad actually be okay with me giving up a shot at the NFL for a different dream? I still didn’t have a full plan for what I wanted to do after graduation, but I had time. Sort of.
