“That’s all you have to say to me? You don’t know?”
“You don’t understand,” I ground out, clutching at my hair. “I can’t tell you…”
“Why not?” Dawson asked desperately as he stood to face me. “We never used to keep secrets from each other. Never. That’s not like you. But then neither is abandoning me without an explanation or goodbye, so why am I surprised?”
“I didn’t do it to hurt you, Dawson.”
“I’d believe that if it didn’t seem like every time we’ve run into each other since May, you’ve been determined to hurt me however you can.”
“Like what you did last night didn’t hurt me?” I bit back. “You treated me like I was a stranger. Like we haven’t known each other almost our entire damn lives.”
“It’s no different than how you’ve treated me! You ghosted me for years and have done nothing but give me whiplash since the second I saw you again.”
“Because I thought it would be easier for both of us to stay away!”
“And then you got blown by one of myfuckingteammatesin my bedroom of all places, and you were so high that you didn’t even care.”
“That’s not true! I did fucking care! I never meant?—”
“I didn’t do anything to deserve that, Theo! I loved you!” His voice cracked and it was all I could do to remain standing. I forced myself to ignore the past tense of those three words. If I focused on that, I’d shatter.
We stared each other down, grief and heartbreak volleyed between us like cannon fire. His eyes shimmered with tears and I wanted to tear my heart out and offer it to him, anything to make up for the pain I’d caused. I didn’t want to keep doing this with him. I fucking despised hurting him and I knew that was all I’d done since coming home.
“I’m so sorry, Mercury,” I apologized thickly. “You’re right. You don’t deserve any of this. I’ll explain as much as I can, but please understand there’s some things I’m not ready to talk about.”
He seemed ready to argue with me, but eventually conceded with a small nod and sat back down. I blew out a heavy breath and sat on the edge of the fire pit in front of him. I kept my eyes trained on his shoes so I wouldn’t have to see the effects of my confession.
“How much do you know about why I moved away?”
“Not much,” he murmured. “I went to your house when you didn’t show up for Homecoming. Your dad only told me you were going to live with your mom and that I should…let you g-go.”
The hitch in his voice pierced right through me. Images of a confused, distraught Dawson waiting for me at Neverland permeated my thoughts and pain pulsed through my ribcage. I wanted to reach for him and comfort him however I could.
“I’m sor?—”
“Just get on with it,” he pleaded quietly.
I cleared my throat and tried to speak past the solid lump wedged there. “I asked my dad not to tell you why he sent me to Huntsville. The reason I wasn’t there to meet you that night was because I was in the hospital.”
I paused at Dawon’s sharp intake of breath. “What do you mean you were in the hospital? Are you okay? Oh my god, are you sick? Are you?—”
“I’m fine now, and no, I’m not sick. I mean, I was in a way, but it’s complicated,” I rushed out.
“How is it complicated? What the hell happened? Why didn’t either of you just tell me?” he asked frantically.
“Because you wouldn’t have understood.”
“Then make me understand now! I deserve to know what happened to you.”
“Damn it, Dawson, I overdosed!”
I sensed his body go rigid in front of me, like even the air around him solidified. “You what?…”
“I never wanted you to know. It happened when I got back from that party we went to after the Homecoming game. I was already pretty trashed by the time you brought me home, but I was really stressing about something. I was having a hard time handling it, so I popped some Oxy I bought a few days before that.”
“Wha—that doesn’t make sense. You had never taken drugs before,” he sputtered.
“That was the first time,” I admitted gruffly. “I didn’t know how bad it could be to take Oxy while wasted. Or at least, I didn’t think anything that bad would happen.”
