But I was a selfish motherfucker who couldn’t resist being lured back into his orbit. The restraint that had helped me keep my distance the last few months was stretched beyond its limit. I just wanted to see him. And honestly, fuck those insidious thoughts that tried to convince me I didn’t belong anymore. This was my home, even if I never thought it would be again.
That bravado lasted for exactly three seconds as I wove my way through the partygoers. My anxiety cranked up and I dreaded running into Dawson and his new squeeze around every corner. I had no idea how I’d handle it if I saw them wrapped up in each other, all lovey and shit. The images flashed through my mind as though I had an advanced fucking screening to prepare me for what I’d eventually stumble across.
Paranoia speared through me wondering how much she meant to him. Had she won his heart yet? Had he given her pieces of himself that were meant to be mine? That wouldalwaysbe mine?
I owned his heart once and I never agreed to give it back. It didn’t belong to her. None of him belonged to her.
Even as I thought it, fresh fears flooded my brain. A slew of intrusive thoughts assaulted me as every face was suddenly a potential threat. Were any of them his best friends now? Had any of them fallen into his bed? How many were there after me? Did any of them know what his cum tasted like or left their marks on his skin?
Dawson had always been popular and I was positive there was no shortage of people who would happily hop on his dick. Of course, he never gave anyone else a second glance when we were together, loyal to his core. But we were no longer dating and he hated my fucking guts.
It’s no better than you deserve…you did this. He’ll find someone else and you’ll be forgotten.
Electricity flickered under my skin the higher my anxiety climbed. I recognized the itch, the undeniable craving for something to help me let go. I needed something to take off this godforsaken edge I hadn’t been able to shake the last couple of days. Thinking of Dawson being with other people spiked my blood with fury, fear, and frustration.
I scratched compulsively at my collarbone, still feeling the phantom weight of his ring. The further into the party I ventured, the more intense everything felt. Every emotion felt heightened and teetered on the edge of my control. The chaotic thoughts that ran rampant all day surged again, a high speed train flying through my brain with no hope of stopping.
I ran smack into a wall of muscle, not paying attention to anything around me as I got lost in my own head.
“Oh shit! My bad,” I sputtered as hands gripped my biceps to steady me.
“Hey, no worries! No harm, no foul, man.” The guy flashed me an easy smile and gave me a quick once over, and there was no mistaking the spark of interest in his perusal. I could almost smell it on him and…yep, there’s that ping on the gaydar. Or bi-dar? Either way, bro’s throwing vibes.
“Wish I could at least blame it on a good buzz, but I’m tragically sober,” I joked, pulling back subtly until his hands fell away.
“Ouch. Sounds like you have some catching up to do,” he smirked. “I’m Corvin, by the way.”
“Theo,” I up-nodded, scanning the sea of bodies for the only reason I came in the first place.
“How about I show you where you can grab a drink? I’ve heard I’m not terrible company to have,” he flirted.
“Thanks, but I’m actually looking for someone. You know Dawson Hayes?”
“You mean, the quarterback on my team, whose house I’m currently at, attending a party he happens to be throwing? Nah, never heard of him.”
A snort escaped me at his sarcastic reply. “So you’re useless to me then?”
“Eh, I can think of a few other ways I could be pretty damn useful to you.” His heated gaze trailed down my body slower than before. Shame welled in my chest when his blatant interest made my cock twitch behind my zipper. I didn’t really want him, but that hadn’t necessarily stopped me before. I couldn’t always shake off the need that sometimes grew in tandem with the energy buzzing under my skin.
“Do you know where he is around here?” I asked politely. Corvin breathed out a chuckle, shaking his head at the way I’d bypassed his lewd invitation.
“I think he’s out by the pool. Come on, I’ll show you,” he said, gesturing for me to follow him. That earlier irritation simmered as I thought of how fucking ironic it was he thought he had to usher me around the house I knew like the back of my hand. Little did he know, I had been the one who helped Dawson clean that pool as part of his chores every summer. I had almost busted my skull open trying to backflip off their diving board at sixteen. I’d attended every birthday pool party that Dani threw since the year I met Dawson.
My unsolicited tour guide led me outside and over to a large group of people congregating around a beer pong table set up on the far side of the deck. My irritation reached nuclear levels at the sight of Dawson with his girlfriend right by his side while he laughed at something a hot blond dude was saying to him. He shoved playfully at Dawson who only laughed harder, his eyes crinkling at the corners and cheeks flushing pink, either from laughter or the drink in his hand. Their interaction betrayed an easy familiarity that had green envy digging claws into my chest.
I used to be the blond guy in his life who made him laugh, who made his eyes dance, who brought out that joy on his face. I never had to compete with anyone for his attention before because we used to be everything to each other. Best friends, family, neighbors, confidants, boyfriends, soulmates. There were never enough labels that encompassed all that we were. And I’d lost every single one of them.
Beyond the jealousy, I couldn’t help noticing how damn sexy Dawson looked. The low slung jeans sitting just right on his hips, the tight navy V-neck showcasing all those quarterback muscles, the chunky watch that drew the eye to his delicious forearms, his soft hair that was perfectly tousled.
All of it was working for me. No surprise there. Dawson had been my walking wet dream since I’d first understood what it was to desire someone. I had also been horny as fuck the lastfew days and jacking off wasn’t quelling the thirst. It was getting worse every day, but one drink of him was all I’d need. My dick had only twitched from Corvin’s innuendo, but a single look at Dawson and it was doing a full-on gymnastics routine in my damn pants.
“Yo, QB!” Corvin called out and Dawson’s head swung in our direction. Just like earlier, his smile vanished at the sight of me. It hurt even worse if that was fucking possible.
They greeted each other with clasped hands smushed between one of those stupid bro-hugs. I hated how even their friendship had my teeth grinding together.
“What’s up, man? Glad you could make it,” Dawson said. “Guys, this is Corvin, one of our running backs. And that’s Theo.” He addressed the group around him, waving a hand toward me and Corvin. My stomach curdled at how he’d thrown my name out there like an afterthought, like I was just another body in the crowd.
A chorus of “hey” and “what’s up” came from his circle of friends.
