It wasn’t that I didn’t want to celebrate with my friends, but I was having second thoughts about the location. The karaoke bar was packed with the usual crowd, plus the fans who came to revel in the UT victory. My gaze trailed to the corner of the bar where I’d watched Theo that night last summer, nursing my broken heart as he’d flirted with his date. It seemed like a lifetime ago and the surreality of where we were now hit me.
Now, I was sitting there with my friends for yet another celebration, missing Theo just as much as I had back then, but with my heart finally healed over and stronger than before,waiting for him to come home and reclaim it.
“Earth to Dawson?”
I blinked out of my stupor and turned to see Aly smirking at me.
“Sorry, I kinda zoned out.”
“Were you thinking about Theo?”
“When am I not?” I mumbled into my beer.
“Did you get to talk to him after your game? They allow phone calls there, right?” Rhys asked from where he was settled on his boyfriend’s lap.
“They do, but we decided not to call each other and keep him ‘unplugged’, so to speak.”
“But why? Oh no, you guys aren’t on a break while he’s away, are you?” Rhys gasped.
“I hope not, dude. That shit never works out…just ask Ross and Rachel,” Cal chimed in. We all shot varying looks of surprise and amusement his way. “What?Friendsis one of Rhys’ comfort shows, I can’t escape it at home.”
“Yeah, but…you like, legit watched it, didn’t you?” Griffin teased. Cal just looked him dead in the eye and double-bumped the sides of his fists together in trueFriendsfashion.
“No, we’renoton a break. We both talked about it and we thought it would keep Theo focused on his treatment better,” I explained. “But I think a large part of it is that he wants to prove to himself that he can do this alone, push through it without using me, or even his Dad, as a crutch. Even though he’s doing this partly for us, this is about him.”
It was weird to be able to talk freely about Theo’s disorder and all the related issues with our friends, but I was also hella relieved to have them to lean on, to have people in my and Theo’s corner that truly cared. None of this was easy no matter how strong we were trying to be about it. The episode, the rehab, missing him, and even what came next for us weighed on me more than I cared to admit, but they’d all been as supportive and compassionate as I always thought they’d be.
“That makes a lot of sense actually. The rough patch Micah and I went through last year was what pushed me to try therapy, but then it really became about me and my healing so I could bethe best version of myself, regardless of whether Micah gave me a second chance or not,” Bash added.
“Rough patch? Really? Is that how you’d describe how you were?—”
Bash kissed Micah soundly on the mouth to cut off his snark, earning him a teasing glare from Micah when they pulled apart. “We don’t need to get into that here. Different story for a different time, my love.”
“That must be pretty hard though, going through all this without being able to check on him and know how he’s doing?” Rhys flashed me a sympathetic look.
I was still getting used to opening up to my friends about how I was feeling, but it did make things easier to process and helped me not feel so alone in my own head.
“Harder than I thought it’d be, if I’m honest. I figured as long as he was there getting help and working through things, I would be fine with the radio silence, but all I feel is…useless. Helpless. I know this is something he needs to do by himself, but I wish there was something I could do to be there for him, or at least…ugh, I don’t know.”
I blew out a deep breath when I couldn’t find the right words. All that played in my brain were memories of the romantic gestures Theo would always do for me back then. Surprise gifts, a playlist made of all the songs that reminded him of me, elaborate dates, random adventures to nearby cities. He had always used his actions to show me how much he cared, how much I meant to him.
All I had was music.
As if a beam of light landed on him by divine guidance, I spotted Cal’s friend Mateo across the bar laughing with a group of friends. I didn’t know him super well, but I remember that night last summer, he had gone up to sing right before me and he’d stunned the crowd with his natural talent. An idea wasforming in my mind, small pieces snapping together as I thought of what I’d need to pull it off.
“Uhh, D? Whatcha doing?” Nate questioned. “You’ve got ‘crazy eyes’ going on over there, man.”
“I need to go talk to Mateo real fast.”
Nate blinked at me like a stupefied bird. “Okay. So. I have several questions, the first being why thefuckwould you need to go talk to Colombian Hugh Hefner over there?”
I narrowed my gaze at him. “You know, we’re eventually gonna have to talk about what happened between you two to make you hate him so much. The Cliffnotes version you gave me last year isn’t cutting it.”
“Yeah, I know,” he sighed deeply. “How about I pencil us in for that talk on the twelfth of fucking never?”
I rolled my eyes and turned towards Mateo’s table, but Nate snagged my arm before I could take a step. “No, seriously. What do you need to talk to him about? Also before you do, are you up to date on all your Hepatitis shots?”
“Jesus, I’m not going to proposition him, Nate.”
